Cause I’m leaving on a tour bus
Don’t know when I’ll be back again…

Hey thank you Irene for everything. I don’t even know how to stress that even more, but to give you a vitually hug and perhaps a Yoduly drink when I get back. Sorry I had to pull you into my s___, and get you in hot water too. What kind of friend am I? Yea, a selfish one probably. But infinitely thanks to you. Sometimes, I wonder where would I be without you and your stupid brain..?, probably nowhere pleasant. Well, Sorry and Thanks again. See you Sunday.

So tonight after band practice, it’s usually Irene and I stopping at our local tea shops to grab a well-deserved drink, and so we did that. She grabed a non-caffinated drink (no tea) and I grabbed an overdosed peach syrup-sugar-filling-till-your-stomach-churns.. green tea bubble tea. So now I’m going nuts. (SUGAR HIGH SUGAR HIGH) Anyway, that wasn’t the point of writing this xanga entry. Well tonight, Irene and I had a wonderful conversation (as usual). But this time, it’s more concerning about the world. We were wondering why God created skunks. Yea, like why the heck does anybody need them? Nothing or noone eats them, no one wants to kill it as far as I’m concerned. and people definitely don’t want a skunk as their fur coat. So what’s the big deal?? Like HELLO! They stink! and nobody likes them!! So we concluded that since it serves no greater purpose in our food chain (if ‘skunk’ is even in it to begin with), God was just bored and skunk should still remain as an oblivious and unnecessary animal.

Can YOU think of an unnecessary animal? 

McDonald’s Brooms will be the death of me. Those brooms are for witches to fly on, not for sweeping!! I swear, one day I will personally bring my own broom to do lobby, maybe I wouldn’t get so frustrated and give customers (or valued guests as we call them at McDee’s) some glaring in the eyes. (Fumes coming out of ears) Mmmmmm.

2:50pm
This is what I did so far today:
wake up
xanga
ate
nap

Honestly, what have I done wrong? I tried everything my dear, everything. Find ways to get to you, but there’s always something in the way, always. And I wonder to myself, is this coincidence or is this really fate? I lift up my head to the sky and keep telling fate that; “I have to go, I have to be there, I have to see him.” But no, my heart gets tugged. There’s just always something in the way.

For once in my life, I feel like I’m incompetent to fulfill my promises, cause I know, this was my promise to you. Perhaps, this is not the right moment, maybe there’s a time for everything, and this isn’t one of them. I don’t know, all I could think of this whole summer is how I’m gonna get there to be with you, and when it seems like I can, there’s something far behind that won’t let go of me.

A sincere “sorry” is all I have as spoken words and words of the heart. What can I do baby, what can I do? If only there was a way, if only I could see you for a day, 12 hours, 3 hours, 30 minutes, or even.. 5 minutes. I’ll take it for what its’ worth, to tell you everything that I’ve always wanted to say. Everything.

It is not your fault, nor should you not be mad, because you have every right, and I want you to be mad at me. This is not a “I want you to be happy, Ellen” situation, this is me… not fulfilling my promise to you.

And so, I surrender.

4:13pm

@ Library, drenched. Thank God it stopped raining outside, gonna ride bike home soon.

Have Faith In Me.

So I stand before the world, on top of a hill, despite my weaknesses and flaws, I come into the light to meet You. With hands held high and the winding road blurring with tears, I call out your name. I seek. I strive. I thirst for You. Sure, I may be broken a little, or far from perfect, but nothing is going to drive me away from you. There is no excuse. If anything, this is when I need You the most. If I bet on the existence of You, I would win. I won’t let anything put me down. You’ve seen me crawl and beg,  you’ve created me to be strong, to be a fighter. I can do it. I can do anything. You’ve put me in this position, and with hesistance, I will take it as it is. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Cor 12:10)    I can do anything in Your name.

Thanks for the trials.

The world awaits me.

Fight. 

“I think sometimes you love someone so much, you have to be numb to it…because if you actually felt how much you loved them, it would kill you.”

 - Riding in Cars with Boys.

I woke up this morning, and I have this feeling I can barely describe. Well, it’s not like I can describe anything these days anyway. Life is just too provoked right now, there’s nothing better to do than sit here and be jaded by everything. Throw everything to the back of my head, and let’s start anew.

Me

aiehfiaoewhfoiahfe PROBLEMS

gone.

Song taxed off of Iris. (Thanks dear) Dedicated to fobs, and one specially claimed “fob”. It’s sad, cause I don’t even know what it’s talkin about. It could pretty much talk about……. anything.

12:49pm

Grr. This song makes me so emotional. Jay chou songs make me so emotional. Hold on, any CHINESE song makes me emotional. Geez, maybe that’s why I don’t listen to chinese stuff much. Get’s me so damn sappy. Now I gotta go watch those Chinese movies and make myself believe in a fairy tale love story and that maybe it will happen to me one day…………

PSSSSSH. whatever. 

12:57pm

I can so totally see myself in a love chase scene with this song. Looking.. searching.. cell phone (not that I have one) keeps getting busy signal.. tedious search on the streets.. screaming his name… “____ where are you?? I wanna be with you”

omg

SHUT UP BRAIN!

Honestly, been watching TOO many Chinese movies. A little too much for my own good.