One thing I need to change: ME.
1) ATTITUDE: My attitude towards everything right now is anger. I’ve realized how impatient, impulsive, ignorant, angry I am towards everything lately. The tiniest thing would set me off in a ball of flame. Sometimes, it’s hard to believe what just came out my mouth, some words becomes regretful and regret has always been a pet peeve of mine, but whom to blame? The fault is mine. I just need a new attitude adjustment. Even if my family environment mixed up all these negative traits in me right now, it’s okay. Like Ian said, I shouldn’t let them bother me, it’s their problems. Not that I don’t care, oh I still hurt, but pulling myself down to their level won’t help either. Cause then, who’s there to pull them up?
2) MY POTTY MOUTH: Kind of intertwine with the “angry” attitude I’ve been experiencing. Swearing can be so pleasurable at the moment, because it becomes the word that fits the situation so well, and puts your emotions in perspectives, but really, do I have sucha low vocab that I have to resort to that? Truthfully, swear words are mostly the regretful words that I was talking about earlier. Ever since I swore unnoticeably infront of the kids at drive-thru, and was then corrected by the righteous dad, I regret swearing. It does not only hurt my fundamentals of my Christian faith creating a bad witness, but also people around me. Never under estimate the power of words.
3) SOCIAL LIFE: This has been non-existent since the beginning of school. I’ve become too bombarded with homework, goals and work, that I’ve literally forgot who I am and where I belong. I used to go on frequent trips to Chapters to read, starbucks to grab a drink, downtown to soak in the urban life, places with friends to rekindle friendships. But that is all gone now. I need it back. I need a piece of me back.
4) FAITH: It’s hard when you’re down in the dumps, and the worst is that I’m too stubborn to accept any help from anyone. Even as we speak, I still don’t want any help from anyone, because it becomes just too pitiful. I wanna come back myself. Maybe it’ll take longer, maybe more mistakes would happen along the way, maybe i’ll lose myself completely at the end, or come back totally renewed. Who knows. I’ll do something about it, because I once knew of the perfect joy. I remember, I was so happy to be with Him… somehow, I just let it slip away. I’ll get it back…