Month: December 2004

  • New Years Resolution eh? (cont’d)
    You guys won’t believe it. I actually finished my 4 articles and 2 poems all today. I’m so proud of myself. Didn’t think I would ever EVER finish those. Now my homework schedule is back on track and all this work now seems actually possible. So anyway, back to the new years resolution. I actually have alot of goals, so many it’s hurting my brain just thinking about them. Well you know what they say about new year resolutions, they’re just excuses for failures. So not to overwhelm myself with too many goals and resulting in me not even achieving any of them, i’ll start with ones I think are least plausible and that they feel more tangible at this moment.

    1) Get a makeover. I’m sick and tired of my hair, my same old make up and my comfortable wardrobe which consists of sweat pants and more sweat pants. I need a makeover and a new wardrobe. Symbolism of a new me.

    2) Be strong. For some of you who actually know me as of now and what I have to deal with, strength is always a virtue and what I always need more of. It could be from the support of others, or it could just be plain ol’ me fighting my way through. Doesn’t matter, all I need to do is be strong.

    And that’s about it, those are the two things that I think I really need or I can actually achieve right now. (Dispite the first one, sounds kinda shallow, but whatever) Besides those two, I have learning spanish and korean, nurturing my french, hip hop and guitar and reach for a promotion at McDonald’s as goals. Yea, a little too much for me to handle right now. So I figured, I’ll just start with those two for now. We’ll see how this goes. 

  • New Years Resolution eh?
    Stop procrastination and do my frikken homework. After all that is done, we’ll talk about other stuff that needs some fixing — like my hair. But right now, I just want to finish my stupid homework. FINISH IT NELLE, FINISH IT!

  • I climbed into bed hoping I would find some solitude there. I did, and the darkness swallowed me inside. Only the faint glow of the stars on the wall sheltered me, even then, darkness caved in. I closed my eyes only letting a river of burning tears drown my pillow. I struggled to breathe, I remember, wondered what life would be like if I could just lay in bed and never be awake again. Never have to deal with any of the problems, never have to hurt, never have to listen to his boisterous voice piercing my ears. I started to choke at my pain and fear, at the thousand pound of burden I so hesistantly bear. Whispering words of strength, but my cries comes out even louder and deafens my thoughts. I curl my body and hug my knees. Just fall asleep nelle — fall asleep.

  • I had a nightmare. Actually, never felt so scared in my life. I dreamed that I failed my English paper. D’s… D’s… and more D’s in each criteria on my essay. I hope this isn’t trying to foretell something.


    Note to self: Deepest most inner fear… failure.

  • Mmm. All-Nighter.


    I’m gonna so feel it tomorrow… when I gotta work right after school.

    3:58pm


    Another essay to write in class. This time, it’s on Hamlet. Gawd, how many essays do I have to write?! Well, I better get used to it, cause if I ever think of becoming an English teacher. (bangs head on wall) This is what I gotta do.


    Work in 5 minutes.


    Bah.


    P.S High Irene


    (pause)


    omg.. did I just spell “High Irene” ?!?! Well, I meant.. “Hi”. Wow. I need sleep. lots of it too. CAN’T WAIT TILL FRIDAY!! I’LL BE FREEE.. FREEE.


    P.S I want my Christmas tree, PRONTO!

  • I’m tired of writing.

  • Hey Mike, I hope you know, I prayed for you today. I said a little prayer when I was standing by the window, hoping that you would feel the whispers of my pain. I don’t know what’s wrong, or what went wrong for you to write something like that. But I hope tonight, you survive, and that I’ll see you tomorrow in class. Please don’t die.


    He’s not even listening.