Month: March 2005

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    I’m going out to jog now. DIE FAT DIE!


     


     


     


    12:10pm


    Okay confession: I didn’t go joggin this morning like I said above. And I lied yesterday too, I didn’t go joggin either. But I do want to. Just that evertime I make my way out the door, or decided to jump in my tracks, something always comes up and I get distracted.


    Like this morning, I was just about to jump into my suit and go joggin till my head falls off, but my mom caught me before I could even put my feet out the door. She wanted to talk to me. Family stuff. Usually, people who know me, I talk. I talk about how I think about situations, or what are my emotions towards whatever. But whenever my mom starts talking to me about particular things, I just sit there, avoid eye contact, dangle my feet on the chair like a little child, and nod whenever she asks: “do you understand, Ellen?” There’s so much I just want to say, but something is always holding me back and I just become a little child. All choked up in words. I think it’s the fear, fear of what’s going to happen to this family of mine.


     


    1:07pm


    Confession: I want to get away from my family. I want to get away from this world. Send me to the Bahamas and let me die in the ocean blue.


     


     

  • Oh the weather’s getting warmer and warmer and I’m just eating less and less because I guess my body doesn’t need to use as much energy as if I was always cold, even when I had a jacket on in the winter time. And most probably because I’m just so excited about putting on all those summer clothes and just flop around with my sandals that I forget to eat. Actually, I think I might go out for a jog right after this entry. My first jog in 8 months. Oh gawd, you bet i’ll be huffin’ and puffin’.


    I’m very excited about Crew Training tonight. I mean, I’m actually training now! I’m training these two people named Christine and Jeffrey (although I’m pretty sure he wants me to call him jeff) but anyway, I hope they don’t find me boring. Well either way, they gotta sit through my one hour and forty-five minutes of talking about hospitality.


    Living by myself for one and a half days have been great. One thing I really really really utmostly regret not doing was taking the car. I just realized that I could’ve driven my parents car that was boringly sitting in the garage the whole day on saturday and sunday morning., and all this time, I could’ve driven to WORK and CHURCH. Well of course, driving at the expense that I don’t even have my license yet and if I get caught I would be in big doo-doo. But you know, that idea only came to me five minutes prior to my parents coming back from their vacation. I am so stupid.


    10:34pm


    So training was oddly satisfying tonight. I had two very humble and witty trainees. They did a very very good job, and we moved fast. One thing that was tedious was all the reading and I didn’t disagree. But hey, I didn’t mind teaching them all those stuff.


    By the way, I was looking through some xangas and I just came through some Christian pages. I realized that like all churches, the younger adults or teenagers tend to always chill together after church or have outside of church hang-outs and I just want to say.. I miss that. I actually miss it. That warm feeling that you get and how everyone has the same goals and number ones in their lives, which is God of course, and there’s a tight-knit family right there. But even when I had that group of friends that I seldomly see now, I was always the oddball one out. Hence, I had my own 3 people clique, and we named ourselves oddball number one two and three. (you guys know who you are) But having a group of friends like that, and not just your ordinary school friends is a lifestyle to cherish. I liked that lifestyle. Because you know you won’t have to be peer pressured into anything illegal or “un-godly”. You just feel warm, toasty, and comfortable.  I know I felt that way. Just wondered where it went and why I walked so far away into my own world. 

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    Could you find a love in me
            Could you carve me in a tree
                  Don’t fill my heart with lies
                      I will love you when you’re blue
                          Tell me darlin’ true


  • It’s on the 28th. Not the 23rd.

    9:52am


    I have a major headache right now. And last night’s sleep wasn’t that great either. I kept on coughing until I just got up and went downstairs to the basement to get a bottle of water. I think I am coming down with a cold. I really don’t want to work that 8 hours today in drive-thru. But then.. I think about the money, and then the blue waters, and then.. I solemnly lug myself to work.


    Have you ever felt like your hands and feet jittered or felt like jello, but at the same time it sort of hurt but not really? It’s like everytime you think about that particular thought, you start to feel light and then your hands and feet seems powerless? I felt that last night when I teared a bit. Over something meaningless and I should really really get over it by now. I’ve never had that happen to me before. But really, can somebody tell me why your body does that to you?

  • I like my new toothbrush, cause it’s similar to the colour of the blue in my profile pic. : )) So it’s like, every morning i wake up to brush my teeth only to  be reminded that summer’s coming soon and how bad I want to go to the BAHAMAS.


    La..la..la..


    My throat has been killing me allll night. I think i’m coming down with a cold because trust me, all the early tank top wearing and flip-flops flopping outside in the snow, is gonna get me sick sooner or later. People said I was crazy, yea… crazy for SUMMER!


    Moving on, I hope I don’t work in drive-thru today, cause I doubt I can even talk with my throat so horribly irritated. I’ll sound like a raspy old man and they won’t buy apple pies when I ask them to, like how I usually charm the men into my upsales. wahaha.


    Did you know, despite the commonality of people asking the workers for smiles at McD’s, someone has told me that I smiled to much and that I should stop smiling.


    “You should stop smiling so much, eh?” (takes a few puffs at his cancer stick)


    !!!!!!!


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    LET’S REVIEW MY OPTIONS…


     



    CALIFORNIA!!


    FLORIDA!!!



    WHOOO CALIFORNIA!!



    Prom.



     YEAAAH FLORIDA!!!



    Prom in Florida? I like that, I like that very very much : )



    Oh Cali..



    And then.. there’s prom again.


     


     


    11:27am


     







    Your Brain is 66.67% Female, 33.33% Male
    Your brain leans female You think with your heart, not your head Sweet and considerate, you are a giver But you’re tough enough not to let anyone take advantage of you!


     

     

  • I like my profile pic because I like that blue. I should really get my head out the sand. I’m always daydreaming about the beach and the summer time. I just want to kick my sandals off and lay on the beach, wearing my sunglasses, and just tan, all the while sipping coconut juice and hearing the waters crash, washing all my worries away.


    But then I get so stressed out about Prom. I can only choose between Prom or trip to where the blue water is. I don’t know, I’ve never really been a prom kind of girl. (Although I’ve always wanted to wear a tiara, but i can wear a tiara whenever) And then there are people who tell me “it’s once in a lifetime” and California can wait.


    Gosh, don’t really like to pick, can I have both?


    But honestly, how magical can prom get? HONESTLY.

  • The Contagious List of 3′s

     

    3 names you go by:
    1. Nelle

    2. Ellen

    3. Ha Gau

    3 screennames you have had:
    1. LA-LA-LA-LA-LA on aa

    2. YuMyUm on qq

    3. Secret Agent Nelle on everything else


    3 things you like about yourself:
    1. I get over things easily

    2. I laugh at anything and everything

    3. Passion with the things I do


     

    3 things you don’t like about yourself:
    1. My feet

    2. Get too high of myself sometimes

    3. Easily manipulated


    3 things that scare you:
    1. Scary movies

    2. Older men that harass me in public places

    3. If God never really existed


    3 of your everyday essentials:
    1. toothbrush/shampoo, etc

    2.long d option on my phone

    3. grace from God and love from people 


    3 new things you want to try in the next twelve months:
    1. Road Trip, Parties, the whole sha-bang

    2. Learn Korean

    3. Get driver’s license


    3 things you want in a relationship:
    1. One that glorifies God

    2. Mutual understanding

    3.  Overflowing love


    2 truths and a lie (in any order):
    1. I’ve always wanted to be an actress

    2. I can cook

    3. I secretly listen to Avril Lavinge and sing along to it


     

    3 physical things about the opposite sex that appeal to you
    1. Body bigger than mine

    (it’s ashame if they’re skinnier than me)

    2. Height

    3. Hair


    3 things about the opposite sex that appeal to you (not physically):
    1. Special Talents 

    2. wisdom

    3. Listening/sharing skills


    3 places you want to go on vacation:
    1. Disney World in Florida 

    2. California, Los Angeles

    3. Bahamas

    3 boy’s names:
    1. Ethan

    2. Raphael

    3. Hayden

      
    3 girls’ names:
    1. Madison

    2. Winnifred

    3. Tegan 

    3 ways I am stereotypically a boy:
    1. I like to be right all the time, infact I fight for it.

    2. I sleep and eat.

    3. I don’t have nice nails.


    3 ways i’m stereotypically a girl:
    1. I don’t like to drive, I like to be driven.

    2. I like to talk about my emotions.

    3. I get mad at my bf and i expect them to make it alright at the end.

     

    Damn, what a priss.

     

     

     

     

     
    1:20pm

    This is the funniest thing ever!
    YOU HAVE TO WATCH THIS. –CLICK!


    http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/numa.php


     


    5:11pm


    Omgosh. 15 hours of sleep. My head feels worse than if it was deprived from that many hours. I feel like throwing up and my back is sick of lying in the bed. Noone should ever sleep past 7 hours. It’s leathal. Why don’t we ever listen to the doctors? I need some tea.. I NEED SOME TEA.


     


     

  • Work has been so stressful lately. There is stress coming from my self, pushing myself to do a better job to fit the promotion that they see me in. But also, stress from other managers who clearly does not see me in that light that makes me think that every little thing that i am doing is wrong. I wish my manager Adolphous would smile, it’s really hard for me to work and not reflect the same attitude of his when he’s the one running the floor. Smile a little, why won’t he, it would probably brighten up so many other people’s day.


    Went to go eat dinner with Stanley tonight. We hit Chapters afterwards and guess what, well, I wouldn’t say this guy that I met a long time ago in the summer was a creep, but certainly he did implied that we were going to see each other after that encounter, which is what made me pull back from the rest of the conversations on that summers day. But anyway, yea. I saw him again tonight at Chapters and without hesitations I turned full 180 and just walked away as fast as a could. There’s no way i am going to engage myself in another conversation with him. I like people, but not to a point where i’m calling all rapists/stalkers to follow me. Shivers.


    For all you Pho eaters out there, do you agree that you just can’t get away with not drinking water after every session of it? Holy cow, if it wasn’t for that Large bubble right after dinner, I would be chugging down like two bottles of water at a time. My stomach is so bloated right now with foods and liquids, I can’t seem to fit water in it. Speaking of which, all this food is making me really really tired. Dozing off….


    Church tomorrow, so better sleep now.

  • Had fun tonight with Janice, Michelle, and Sarah. We watched The Pacifier with Vin Diesel in it and surprisingly it was a pretty good decent feel-good movie. If you really want to be uplifted from a bad day, that’s a good movie : ) The jokes were kinda corny, i laughed at the crowd’s reaction more than I laughed at the jokes. But man, do i really want to learn kick-boxing or join the U.S navy  right now.


    When I came home tonight, I opened my door only to find an express mail on the steps of the stairs. It was from York University and I wondered why they needed to mail this so urgently. Well people, I got accepted to York University with a scholarship. Not that it was hard or anything, but it’s the certainty that someone wants me that’s the best feeling in the world : )) Hee.


    I made a vow tonight. The girls were my witnesses. No McDonalds till after the summer. People, I can do it. I need your faith. COME ON, have faith in me.