Damn Ontario’s health care. They need to stop being so cheap so I can get my tonsils removed. I keep getting sent home with the same ol’ anti-biotics, and with the same germs coming back to hunt my throat down. Now I talk with a funny and yet raspy voice. My boyfriend calls me Mace — short form for Macy Gray.
Speaking of which, I’m going to see my bf from New York in a few hours. YIPPEE!!!
[ NOTE: why did Superpeachlady murder her own xanga?? ]
I actually gave it a try for a week or so and as i first imagined it, it’s something i deeply regret. It’s far from trying to see if one has a “stalker”, cause most people really don’t and they’re just nosy about who really reads their page, but that still doesn’t classify a reader as a stalker. If i come across an interesting xanga, i wouldn’t just read the first 5 posts, i would actually go back to their previous logs and enjoy what the other person have to say. But my enjoyment only goes so far, until i know that that person has a tracker and i’m not so free to roam anywhere anymore. I know that my every move is now tracked and it interferes with my personal privacy without even letting me know first. If you ask me, that’s very unwelcoming and rude.
But what happen to me is that, i abused this power. Although i do assume that, that is just like how everybody else abuses it too. They check up on their friends or significant others, and see if they visited your page lately, and how many times they did. The results can either boost ones shallow and pathetic ego and inflate flattery, or it could shockingly dissapoint oneself and feel like they have been lied or shat on.(I like that word, shat). But I blame myself for all the insecurities.
For those who do have xanga trackers, i encourage you, if you are not already addicted to this sort of paranoia of knowing exactly who and when came by your page, please take it off for the privacy sakes of others. Because i know even when i had the tracker, i still didn’t like having others tracking me. I don’t think there’s anybody out there that appreciates that. For my loyal readers, I feel that i’ve taken something from you guys that I have no right to.
For the reasons above, this is why i’ve decided that i will take the xanga tracker off because it’s not beneficial to me or my readers in anyway. It is their right to come across my page either to leave a mark/comment or read some things, take some ideas with them, and leave without a trace. Remember, it’s your right. I want you to read my words, enjoy your stay as long as you want, feel welcomed, and all along make it an anonymous visit.
P.S Hi Vivan. (lil stars) I know we don’t talk, but i know you visit my page almost everyday and i’m grateful. Thanks for your wonderful stays and hope my words meant something to you. How’s Trudeau? Goodluck with your bf, Kirby. You guys are very sweet. : )
So xanga tracker… gone. Bye-bye.
Well now, feel free to do whatever the hell you want. Right-click, whatever, your choice.
You know what i truly realized, I will never become those dyed-hair, clubbin, only asians die-hard hang out groups kinda girl (sorry if you fall under that category.) No matter how hard i try to fit in the asian groups, it never found a place for me. Infact, it was always with the different, perhaps clashing cultures that i find my peace and niche. I was never really into the clubbin scene, but maybe because it’s just my lack of “fun” experience at the clubs, but once in awhile it would be okay, just so to see if anything have changed about clubbin since i last visited. But partying isn’t always my favourite activity on a friday night. I mean, i tried house parties with NOTHING but caucasian people, heck my buddy at the party was British, you CANNOT get any whiter than that, but after three rounds, I got sick of everything. It just felt so empty and repetitive.
So what the hell do i do for fun?
Hmm. That is a very good question.
I guess i don’t like the loud noises very much, cause i like my nights quiet and personal. I like people, maybe the crowd, but the crowd has to like me first. What I usually do is that i find people off the streets to talk to. I know you might think that’s weird and highly dangerous, but just listen first. Usually it’s at a coffee place, but it doesn’t always have to be though. In that case, it could be anywhere and i’m just waiting for them to bump into me and say hello. Mind you, I never say hello, because i never have to. Everyone tells me that they were just so compelled to say hi, and eager to unfurl everything that’s on their minds. Maybe i looked bored or something, but that’s why i was there to begin with. I was waiting for them all along. And we would talk just about anything thought-provoking: politics, experiences, celebrities, religion, philosophy, life. The best is when both sides finally decides that the discussion was food to the soul and both is finally content with their visit to their local coffee shop. Then it is time to depart from each other and leave it up to destiny to bring us back for another round of brain food. Regardless whether i agreed or not with what the person was saying, i know that i will be carrying new thoughts and values with me when i walk out the door, and so will they. It’s these times in your life that you truly won’t forget. I never forgot any random conversations i had on the bus, starbucks, streets, washrooms. Because it’s far from repetition, it’s life that i’m meeting tonight.
I hate that walk-in doctor. I waited for half an hour and the time-span of me in that tiny little office was no more than 5 minutes. He looked at me, asked me whats wrong, looked at my throat, wrote prescription, looked at his watch, mom told him i can’t swallow capsules cause i’m a big baby, he looked at his watch again, i debated whether i should get capsules or not, he looked at his watch again, and finally he said: “It’s okay, i’ll just write you the liquid form.” Then he was out the office.
Thanks alot mr.doctor. For your TIME and EFFORT.
My right tonsil covers half of my throat. I HATE ANTIBIOTICS. Even though it’s very very yummy. Someone just grab a scalpel and slash that thing out. GRRRR.
You know what i miss. I miss those quiet summer nights where i just so happen to walk half an hour to a nearby starbucks in my flip flops and carefully pick a seat in the room where i know along with my tea, i will comtemplate for the upcoming hour or two about.. mm nothingness. Reminisce, confusion, anything. Anything that will just bring back that “still” feeling back, as if time is once again, in my hands and someone is just waiting for me somewhere, just waiting and waiting — for me.
Was bored and couldn’t sleep because of the caffeine. (Swear i’ll never drink coffee at night ever again.). So I was browsing through the blogrings and i came across “teen moms.” All I have to say is that these teenage girls (ages ranges from 14-20) must be the strongest people on the whole xanga block. Just click on the blogrings and read their profile info, it’s all dedicated to their new or upcoming babies. Some are going through the newly struggle of a teenage mom’s life, and some are just excitedly anticipating it. I viewed some of their pages/posts and they were all so excited for the baby. They documented their daily doctors appointments to the many wonderful moments during the ultrasounds. All this just got my eyes all teared up and my heart all torn. Even though it may (or may not) be a mistake to have a child at such a young age, it’s a strength and virtue to see these young women take up a whole new living being with overflowing love, and turn away the other alternative of having an abortion. I’m touched by this in infinite ways.
Please click on any of the links below and just spend a minute or two to read their little tad-bits that they wrote in their profile info. It really opens up your eyes, how strong a little lady could be.
[ teen moms ]
[ ~ STRONG SINGLE MOMS ~ ]
[ Expecting mommies with NON Supportive daddies ]
I should really stop drinking coffee during night time. I’ve been sleeping so late because of the new caffeine addiction that I have. Work coffee is so good. So this is what happens, me staying up at like 2-3 in the morning.
What is great though is that i am officially on shift probation. Meaning that I am not allowed to take other people’s shift because I have, well quite frankly, taken too many over the past few months. Not only do they NOT want to pay me the extra overtime, i’ve been very tired and burnt out from all the work. And this is great, because since my problem is that i can’t say no to people asking me to take thier shift(s), all I have to do is just turn my head to a manager and they will point at me and go: “Ellen, don’t you even dare.” And I just go tell my coworkers: “Hey man, I tried.” Now they’re saying no for me. It’s great.
Two things I realized about my self lately:
- I get set off about anything. And if you just so happen to frustrate me on the streets, I will eventually throw a tantrum in public and could careless if it humiliates you or not.
- How I see the world is not how I saw it before. My philosophy about life has changed — and yet to be discovered.
- My thoughts are almost, or always scattered because my emotions change and somethings about me changed also. I think this leads to me not focussing so much anymore in anything that i do.. because overall, i just don’t know what i’m doing and what the hell i’m here for.
- Sometimes, I ask the most dumbest questions asked by a chinese girl. Makes me wonder, is it because i was surrounded by blondes at school, that i’m slowly turning into a dumb blonde also?
- Don’t think I should become an English teacher anymore. Afterall, I do hate writing essays, and who likes a grammar nazi anyway?
Okay, for those that can count, that was more than two things. For those who can’t… hey, who gives a damn..
INFINITE-SIZE MY BUFFET.
I never got the concept of buffets. Pay to stuff yourself silly, till the food pratically climbs up your throat crying to be puked out? Alright, I get the variety part, where one can choose from hundreds of different tastes, but the “eat-your-money’s” worth just does not get through my head. Like why do i have to pay to feel miserable afterwards? When eating should be a pleasurable activity to begin with. When I walk into a restaurant, I demand excellent service and high quality food that will fill me at the satisfactory price; enough for the beneficiary of the business, and an affordable price for a middle-class meal. Is that too much to ask for?? Apparently, traditional day chinese parents don’t understand the “satisfy oneself” concept. “You eat crab and lobsta, NO WICE!” “But mom, i don’t even like seafood.” “I dun care, you eat high price food!!”
Now, i’ve never been the big eater in the family. If you ask my boyfriend, I eat like a tiny little bird. So buffet has never been my thing, but it’s just recently that my parents took me out to a sushi buffet that brings back this passionate hatred towards buffets. Moreoever, I’ve always been the kid that went for the fruits and jello. I remember my mom slapped my head with her back hand and said: “don’t be stupid” and directed me to the more “high-priced food.” And when I was full by the second plate, mom would whine at how i shouldn’t have stuffed myself earlier with the rice. For God’s sake, it was a side dish that went along with all the stupid crab and lobster that she made me eat!! Please, what’s the point of eating what I don’t even like. That’s when I decided to refuse all offers to dine at buffets, if it wasn’t for a birthday party, wedding or banquet. I mean, all the oily food can’t be good for you. So ontop of paying for the ”suffering enjoyment” of your meal, you are pratically killing yourself with all this cheap oil that they use in the “chow mein”, “xa gai” (fried chicken), and what-not.
Now you are paying the restaurant one low rate to eat all the food you want. And most of the time, the food may not be or not-at-all at their best quality. Because hey, they gotta earn money somewhere. But people are just awed at the fact that they can eat as much as they want. — eat as much crap ass food as they want. Seems luring, doesn’t it? Food that is poorly cooked and prepared at a quick-untimely speed.
If you ask me, buffets isn’t my favourite dinning alternative. If I was that much of a health freak as before, I would actually boycott buffets rather than spending so much time suing McDonald’s. Dumb people stuff themselves with fast food on a daily basis (Sorry, if that’s you). Dumber people go to buffets and stuff themselves FIVE times the food they would eat at a local fast food joint with ONE LOW PRICE. Cause hey, who’s gonna stop them? Trust me, buffets are DEADLIER than McDonalds.
