Question: Is not expecting much from someone,  settling for less? (When do you know when you’re expecting too much, or just settling for the average Joe)

Sigghhh. Wish someone would (genuinely) sing this to me and shower me with flowers. To Dave: no pressure, no pressure. Not even a hint. Just merely a fantasy.

So I checked out the BSB concert tickets and they only have LAWN seats selling and I got really dissapointed cause I really believed that if i paid like 300 dollars, maybe I can get a good grab of Nick’s leg, or Kevin’s arm cause he’s sexy too.

Uggh. I’m so sick of this life. Well, it’s not as pessimistic as you think. It’s just for me, I need changes. I realized, I cannot POSSIBLY live a life of routine, it’ll just drive me nuts until I go do something extravagent. I need to travel, I need to get away from this country and explore another one. I hate the fact that I’m always bombarded with work hours, but you’re probably thinking, well ‘who the hell’s fault is it?”. Mine, because as absurd as it may sound, I am required to work that many hours to get to the position that will probably only buy me temporary satisfaction anyway. But man, I need to travel. Everyday, I go onto my msn and I see my friends msn names: “YAY SUMMER!!” “ROAD TRIPS, HERE WE COME!!”, “FLYING AWAY”. Ughh and it just kills me inside with envy, because now I can’t laugh at them and call them highschoolers like I used to. Now they’re all laughing at me because I’m slaving away my whole summer at McD’s. –Sigh.

SOMEONE GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!! CALIFORNIA, VANCOUVER, FLORIDA, NEW YORK heck.. NIAGARA FALLS WILL DO!!

Anywhere but here.

Went to the York campus today and I was the last one to leave because I fought my life over to make sure my Fridays are off throughout the whole year. So, it’s like a long weekend.. every weekend!! Whoo hoo. Some of you York-ians might be wonderin what i’m taking. I’m sure the courses i’m taking are ones that are least considered or least interested in. Besides, my major’s in English, that’s boring. (I can’t believe I’m already saying that when I haven’t even started it yet. Anybody sense the struggles and torture I will be in when school starts?) Well without further ado, this is my fall schedule:

Monday: Philosophy in Law
                Science in Discovery

Tuesday: Worlds of Ancient Greece and Rome
                 Tutorial

Wednesday: Philosophy in Law
                      Major Authors in English Lit.
                      Philo and English tutorials.

Thursday: Science tutorial
                  Worlds of Ancient Greece
                   Science in Discovery  

York campus is huge. Let’s see if superpeachlady is right about it. Let’s see if this place is the space I need or the blank apathy that’s just waiting for me to despise.

___________

Wonder why i feel like this. In fact, I wonder why it ever comes across my mind. Oh I know. Maybe because my rationality tells me so. Tells me that I should be grateful, that I should appreciate, that I should be happy and content with what I have, or already have. But I can’t deny, there’s the heart that’s left out of it all this time. But i would be lying if I told my heart hasn’t been warmed up at times. It’s just there’s more cold than warm, more tears than joy, more thoughts of doubt, than certainty itself. Maybe I’m scared of all this. Maybe it’s trust in disguise. Maybe he’s not worthwhile, maybe I’m not worthwhile at all. See that’s my dilemma. I’m trying to figure the sides out. Maybe i’m trying to point out who’s the devil and who’s the angel. Should I even be doing this? Maybe i’m tired of waiting. For that big surprise. For that day to come, where I’m swept off my feet. Where certainty just overwhelms me, and life flashes right before my eyes. Wondering if you still think about her. What you said in the past were powerful words that are written in my mind. Maybe it’s the silent standards that I have that keeps on whispering in my head, maybe those things are just not met, or maybe i’m just making everything so complicated. I’m sorry i’m complicated. I’m sorry i’m emotional. I’m sorry I’m a hopeless romantic. It’s just …… I don’t even know.

I looked for the sun, but it’s raining today.

___________

Song for you… and your past—-
(or for anybody who are broken):

Just listen to the words.
They’re blunt. They’re words of a simpleton,
but it describes the situation well.

http://members.shaw.ca/babee_boi_604/song…wma

I know, I know. These quizzes really does nothing of telling you and I
HOW I really kiss. I was just bored, thought I would share how I ENVISION my kisses, which are generated by my lame answers.

Part Passionate Kisser

For you, kissing is about all about following your urges If someone’s hot, you’ll go in for the kiss – end of story You can keep any relationship hot with your steamy kisses A total spark plug – your kisses are bound to get you in trouble

Part Romantic Kisser

For you, kissing is all about feeling the romance You love to kiss under the stars or by the sea The perfect kiss involves the perfect mood It’s pretty common for kisses to sweep you off your feet

Just feel like kissin my babyyyy >.<

Oh my gosh. My nose is absolutely dying on me. I love summer, but I hate dandilions or the other twenty-three things that triggers my allergies. I refuse to close my room window right now, cause I love the summer breeze too much, so all in all, I have to put up with the snot fest.

I’m getting all antsy right now, because I’m reading this Shift Managment BINDER, not book, but BINDER for McDonald’s, which consist of a little bit over than half a thousand pages. But I’m determined to finish this darn Bible wannabe tonight.

I’m sort of excited about my long time buddy Justine’s birthday party this saturday. I can’t believe I get to go see my elementary school friends again. Wondering what I should get her.. hmmmm. Note: Justine, do you have a belly button ring??

Anyway, back to studyin for McDicks…

I want a LARGE taro bubble tea SOOO bad.
After two naps, i am THIRSTY.
My boyfriend and I are lazy couples, sooo lazy. It hurts.

Splish-splash. My hand’s been in cold water ever since Ian accidentally poured a whole pot of scorching hot coffee on the back of my hand this morning. (Ian if you’re reading, don’t worry : *) i’m living). It’s kind of embarassing, cause my manager Ronnie had to dip my hand in cold water while I was just sniffing my tears like a little baby. I’m sucha big baby. Ah well, I like to be pampered. : P Amazingly my hand does not burn anymore after my sleep, but i remember it felt like flying daggars whenever i was trying to sleep with my hand OUT the water. I remember saying to Justin: “I just realized, a burn is pretty much like a heart break, it may just hurt at the moment, but you haven’t realized the whole burn until right after where it starts to kill and eat you up from the inside…” 

On another note, I was talking to Ronnie on my break along side with Jay and Josh. And we were just on the topic of life goals, careers and just plainly.. life. Ronnie comments on how if she had another chance of achieving her lifetime career, she would aim for a doctoral degree, because she always wanted to help save lives and she hopes that her kid (toby, age 3, amazingly cute and smart) will have the passion to be what Ronnie never got the chance to be. But that wasn’t her regretful remark ending up as an assisstant manager at McDonald’s, she then says how lucky she is to have everything right now. (Because to tell you the truth, McDonald’s managers make a goooood amount of money, more than… teachers.. sigh) And she never once complained once about her life but instead, she keeps saying how blessed she is and that she doesn’t need more than what she has. She has all the money she needs for her family, extra spendings, 2 cars, 2 houses, a husband, a smart kid, and 12 Louis Vuittons and 4 Rolex(es). (and that’s JUST the beginning of the brand name list…)

So it’s really nice to see people count their blessings, because she said she would NEVER want to be those people who would have to be on a tight budget and struggle day and night only to bring enough to the family. Although quite frankly, there’s just a whole lot of people out there who are going through this every single day. The thought of going through this day-to-day fight breaks their spirits. Just the plain thought of money, kills their souls.

SPOKEN WORD – untitled
(Writer’s Craft ~ 2004)
By: Ellen Lai

It takes me by the hand and swings me around
to mess around with my vision
to put me in a mission
in a full emulation
for its existence, and it’s presence
disgusts me
makes me hurl
to see how people unfurl
in a world
such as ours
sure we can go far
without it, we can still go like a dart
but I just want to part
in a evil like this
don’t you get the gist?
in the mist
of this deadly kiss?
sure it shines for you
and rhymes for you
and people know who you are with it
fine green eyes looking out for you
but tell me, does it cure the blues?
when you feel like a foo, and have no boo,
to straighten out those empty tears bouncin off your shoes
It makes us all go crazy, hazy,
maybe even steal, lie, do all these bad things for it
When we are wounded, do we patch our selves in it’s filth?
No, humanity heals with love, as soft as silk
Mothers and babies in welfare,
don’t even have enough for bus fare
but do they care, they have each other to share
they have each other’s trust to wear
on their backs
we’re like a nutshells, ready to crack
that’s a fact
cause we all see stars, when we see its’ luster
we make it seem like it compensates
for our fates
and bates us out from our bothers
vigor in my advocacy
I’m talking about, those paper greens
that we call money