I GOT A “B” ON MY PAPER.
i am ECSTATIC.

On this path called life, do look back on your childhood.

The more I think about school, the more it gives me migrains and the need to pig out on candy bars. Everything is a million times more complicated in university, I just want my own path, I want things simple. Call me naive, and i’ll call you complicate. Well, to begin with, I found this awesome program at Seneca College: Travel and Tourism – Flight Attendant.

Xangans, do you think that’s a good move?

University life is dangling me by my feet, so that my tears run up instead of down. I feel so far, out of place, an alien, like i don’t even want to be here. I feel everything so shallow, so meaningless. It’s just not how it suppose to turn out. Everyone told me i’m going to have the time of my life here. Someone give me wings, not to pick myself up, but to fly out of here.

Did you know that it takes 90 years to grow a box of Kleenex? That’s right, every time you use a Kleenex tissue, you are blowing away ancient forests. That’s because Kimberly-Clark, maker of Kleenex and other toilet and tissue products, all but refuses to use recycled paper in its products. Instead, Kimberly-Clark is clearcutting some of the rarest and oldest forests on Earth – just to create disposable paper products.

Take action now to tell Kimberly-Clark to Stop Clearcutting Ancient Forests

7:29pm

OMG! I WANT SOME CHICKEN STRIPS! I JUST WANT TO TAKE MY DADS CAR (IF HE WASN’T SITTIN IN THE LIVING ROOM) AND DRIVE TO MCDS AND GET SOME CHICKEN STRIPS. AHH I’M SO HUNGRY. I’M GONNA KILL MOM FOR NOT STOCKING UP ON THE FOOD. AHHH. HUNGER. AHH PAIN. AHHH ADDICTION TO FAST FOOD AND DIET COKE!

I refuse to write my essays until I get some food.

11:08pm

As I roll over your xanga name, I could only think of all those childhood dreams. I don’t know, maybe if you were here, or made an effort for our friendship to perservere, none of this would seem so far away. Maybe this would actually be reality. Maybe I don’t have to dream so much and think about what you are thinking about right now. Do you ever think about me? Do you ever take out our notes and read what promises we’ve made to each other? Do they… even mean anything to you? You were my most favourite and bestest “chin-goo”. You taught me that word, do you even remember? You’re my best friend and sister. I wish upon a star that you will think of me, and remember how we used to be.

I’m just telling you,


graduation will be so sweet.


3 years and 6 months to go….

and hopefully no more.

Have you ever had those moments where you’re so stressed out with the TO-DO pile that you just end up sitting in your chair, have a drink of that soda, and refuse to do any of it? Which in the whole, would be very unproductive and slothy (is that a word?) of you, but heck! I’M STRESSED OUT!!

So anyway, that’s what i’m doing right now. Just sitting here and drinking my root beer and just pondering how all my smart friends managed to get through their homework. For instance, my friend Ian goes to U of T downtown for MED. Like how does he do it? Doesn’t he feel stressed and overwhelmed? Yet, not once do I hear him whine about.. anything relevant to school.

It just bothers me that I whine so much, and that I care sooo much about school. Yet there are other people who really don’t bother with the whining, and they get through every moment of it just fine.

So does that mean that nobody should really stress out? So should everyone just relax, and know everything will be fine at the end?

I dont’ know, I’m just a worry-bug.

Let my pillow catch the midnight tears
Let the roses be the company
that  I embrace
As the tears fall onto the thorns
Let it bleed away my inner fears
Away, away, it bleeds.

And yet you still don’t understand…

                        Read between the lines before you come back to me.

EXTRA EXTRA: 
SECRET AGENT NELLE’S SECRET WISH– UNCOVERED.

I don’t know how long i’m going to keep this message up, but tonight.. I feel like a part of me just have to let this go, let it out into the void hoping someone would answer.

My secret wish, well not so secret anymore, is much like a little girls’ hope. I hope one day, I will meet my prince charming and he will just sweep me off my feet. Someone that is as hopelessly romantic, that is in search of eternity, and as obssessed with annivarsaries as I am. I don’t want no diamond ring, I don’t want the most beautiful flowers on earth, I don’t want the sweetest chocolate covered strawberries. I just want someone to want that for me. I don’t want to ask for it.

Some people may call me naive, and crazy to even wish for a man like that, but for once, this is something I will not let my life fall short of. I don’t think I ever want to face reality of marriage, of people growing old and being annoyed of each other and maybe face divorce, but instead grow even closer and passionately intimate as time goes by, just like the first day of meeting. Deep inside, I don’t think I ever want to become like my mom, always hoping and wishing a better person in my dad. Always hoping that he will remember anniversaries or hoping he will bring flowers or chocolates on Valentines. All this hoping has gotten her to die faster. because they’re all dead wishes. And I would hope to die, if that ever becomes my life. I hope her shadow doesn’t cast onto me. 

And so my friend Irene held me tonight, while I told her this silly wish. And hoping it will come true, that prince charming will come along, and that he didn’t pass me by.

I’m just scared of always hoping and wishing and to have a mentality that it will happen, when truly it was all just an illusion that I set up for myself and that the hoping is what keeps me breathing, not the reality itself.

Prince charming, are you there? Will you come and save me and we’ll live happily together?

I wish upon a star, that you don’t pass me by.