Broken Soda Machine.

I really like this entry by Spygirlny. I don’t think anyone could’ve put it better in words than her.

Check it out if you will: http://www.xanga.com/spygirlny/251005923/item.html
It will probably reflect most of what I endure/or see in relationships so far…

“Treat your partner like a broken soda machine? Perhaps….”

On the side: Why do I see Fiona (xjenesaisquoix) reading it and nod in amazed agreement, while I can see Irene (ex-mind_matters, ex-superpeachlady) shaking her head in amazment of the degree of foolishness?

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Car Accidents

…scares me shitless. I just drove back from a study session with my friend (and for all you Torontorians, I was near the Pacific Mall area, ON A SUNDAY, so wreckless driving is not uncommon). The light was green, turning into a yellow, and I guess I was still going at it pretty fast so I assumed I shouldn’t stop. But there were two cars that decided to turn left at yellow. I kept on going, saw the first car turn and went “Oh shit” (tapped on the breaks, didin’t expect the second car behind it to turn also). Then the second car followed, a louder “OH SHIT” followed.  (SLAMMED ON THE BREAKS, shaked my head, and drove on) If I didn’t stop in the middle of the intersection, and let the second car go, my ass would have been kicked by my dad so hard tonight. The whole time I was thinking to myself and whether it was really my fault, or their fault. Maybe it’s both? Maybe I really should’ve slammed on the breaks once I saw the yellow. I’m traumatized. I hate driving.

A Blow to the Membrane.

Life has been a little hectic. A little more scattered and focused in the wrong places. I would have to say that small things in life are often being looked over, and things that in the long run that does not matter, ends up in front of the line of priorities and frustrations.

Does anybody feel the same way too?

I say that it’s probably all the midterms and exams that magnifies emotions a million times. But my mind just can’t help but think about these following things:

- Whether I should move to the city and live with my best friend and pay for all my expenses…or should I do that this coming September, when I’m possibly more financially secure?

- Money.

- Whether I’m going to get into Teacher’s Education.

- Whether I should visit HK this summer.

- Money.

- Whether I should stay at my current job.. or find another.

- My Visa bill.

- Whether I can actually take my parents disputing with each other every morning.

- My bank account after I pay the Visa bill.

I always hate thinking about money. Even now, typing out this entry gives me the biggest headache, like I just want to bury my head in a hole and not think about. Too often do my mom always penny-pinch in the family that the symptoms has already take its toll on me. Like mom, like daughter. It’s not that I wish I was rich, but I wish there was some way that I can nicely organize my life, make a little bit more than I need to support my own spendings that I can stress, but just stress and be comfortable at the same time. I think it’s just assurance that I’m looking for. I hate the insecurity that money provides, sometimes, it even means that my life have to come to a haul because the lack of the paper currency. I’m all about organization and certainty. I need to plan my life ahead and see where I’m going. Money is often my main resource of doing so, I CANNOT put my life to a stop. Sigh, I hate money-migraines.

Let’s just sleep on it tonight, okay?

________________

(I always thought that you were a determined and motivated individual, that you were just like me. Sometimes… I think otherwise. I guess I got it all wrong.)

He Shops at Tiff’s.

So my wonderful English TA once against strikes 10 points in my heart for sharing a brief summary of his Valentine’s day well-spent last week. Although he wasn’t really intending to tells us, I had to urge him on because he said that one word that could hardly escape my ears: “Tiffany’s”

My heart started pounding. I had to stop him before he decides to start talking about some obsolete author. So I raised my hand up and asked, “John, so what did you buy?”

He said with a poised voice: “A Ring.”

(And then he went on telling us that the minute he enter those doors, all he saw were men everywhere picking out jewelery just in time for V-day. He also said that, though there were a great number of men shopping at Tiffany’s, he could not help but see that most men were picking out such ugly jewelery at the same time. “Some yellow gold, platinum, thing…” Of course, how can I ever underestimate my beautiful TA? He MUST have good taste. His taste in clothes is just mind-blowing. Although  he did dress down today, he looked more like an AE mannequin.)

I was giggling along with Kaitlin, I didn’t want to assume that it was an engagement ring, so I thought it might just be those sentimental couple rings. But Veronica beat me to the question..

“Did she say yes?” Veronica asked.

I forgot what John said but it was some long word, but all in all, the answer was that she said “Yes.”

I could not help but utter a long “AWwwwww” and scrunch up and wipe a tear from my right eye. I really can’t stand engagement stories, they’re just everywhere, and they break my heart all the time… in a good way.

Are you good with engagement stories? Do they make you happy? teary? jealous? disgusted?

Hope your stomach flu goes away…

National Pride.
^(Olympics)

Until now, YES! We are beating the United States in our medal count! Though the U.S have more gold medals than us, and actually one of the highest contenders of gold medals… I don’t care! I’m still rooting for the good ol’ Canada!!

(Goes from Gold, Silver, Bronze, Total)

Driving Test.

I woke up this morning with this churning feeling in my stomach. I hear cars from outside my window, but it’s not the sound that I expect them to make. Sounded a little ‘splashy’ a little more ‘water’ than usual. I thought to myself in my half-awaken state that maybe it’s just my luck that it’s raining…

For God’s sake, I can’t even work the windshield wippers properly!

Scared to approach the window to see the condition that I’m going to be tested in, I decided to get myself ready and step to the window last. I was standing in front of the mirror in my bathroom, brushing my teeth — until I could hold it no more.

WEATHER, surprise me, captivate me!

Oh. It did. It snowed last night/morning. Maybe not as much as NY’s snowfall, but a few good inches of slippery snow. Damn. Just my luck.

I am finally getting my G2 today around 12 o’clock at Morningside. It’s about time that I do so, I’ve had my G1 for about 3 years now, but mind you, I hate driving.

I’ll keep you guys posted.

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Edit: ^3:04pm

I passed!

A Chinese man that talks broken but fast English with a harsh tone saying phrases like, “What are you doing?!”, “Watch where you’re going”, “GO!”, “You are unfamiliar with back-ins!”, “You’re not safe enough” still passed me. It’s an asian thing I tell ya.

Nonetheless, it was a scary and traumatizing experience. My heart still pumped after an hour or so. I don’t think i’ll ever drive again.

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Edit: ^3:24pm

My Grandma watches Mr.Bean!!! When she whipped out the box DVD set of Mr.Bean, my face just scrunched up like this: , all puzzled by her following remarks:

“Watch it, (insert ‘Mr.Bean’ in chinese if there IS such thing) is very funny! I used to watch it all the time in Hong Kong, but in black and white though, but it’s really funny!!”

Wow. I never knew Mr.Bean had black and white versions. (??) and I also didn’t know my grandma was so up with the pop culture!!

This leads me to think that I have the coolest grandma: one that does Tai Chi and watches Mr.Bean all day long!

_____________

: )

My boyfriend is the best. Eventhough it didn’t come on time, at least I got some V-day flowers when I didn’t ask for them. I like flowers in general, so it doesn’t have to be roses all the time. Daisies are nice too, like these ones!

(For “You’ve Got Mail” fans, you know why ‘Daisies’ are so sweet…)

Mistress Day.

Today is suppose to be what my boyfriend calls it, “Mistress Day”. How so, I ask? He answered, “Men who cheat on their spouses take their mistess(es) out on this day only because Valentine’s is already designated for their married spouse.”

Of course. How COULD I ever not think of that? This is so pitiful. So disgusting on our society.

I hope they don’t decide to make it a legitimate public holiday, but even if so, wives would chain up their husbands on the 13th, and guess what those animals would do? Make their mistress day the day before the “initial” mistress day, the 12th. It just keeps pushing back, unavoidable. It’s always there, a risk and a fear that our life-time partner would cheat.

Is it that inevitable that couples should cheat on each other? Is love never really attained? Too perfect to be true? We always want what we can’t have, would eternal and everlasting love be one of them?

Happy Valentine’s Eve everybody.

My Effed Up Heart.

Oh my gosh. Reading about mushy engagement stories on xanga makes my heart gush up and bleed and my eyes tear up a little. (Keep in mind that most of the stories that are up on the pages are probably the most successful stories out there just because if someone got rejected, I’m sure they won’t blog away at his/her sorrow of being dumped.)

Here’s one that is really sweet, (www.xanga.com/blackhand) but if you’re weak at heart like me, then prepare and make sure you’re not talking to your boyfriend right now, incase your emotions rushes into asking him the question yourself. Which would be a shame — very sorry to say.

My First Day.

My first day of being a Teacher’s Assistant at Markville Secondary School was I don’t know how else to put it, but an emotional shock. Going back to highschool was like digging up the long-before pages in a lifetime journal. Eventhough it was maybe a year and a little bit over ago that I was myself a highschooler, I still felt out of place. The teachers would ride up on all the student’s backs: “Where were you?”, “Why are you late?”, “Where are you suppose to be right now?”. Even taking attendance felt “old” to me.

It’s funny, because in university they give you so much room and options that basically no one even realizes that liberation until they get back to a confined space.

I got in “trouble” within an hour of my presence at the highschool. Apparently, it was ‘Wellness’ day today and they usually give inspirational speeches/assemblies in the morning. So while I was waiting for Ms.Williams to come out of the assembly, my ol’ highschool friends, Cory and AJ, trotted along the hallways (all the while skipping class/assembly) to talk to me.

Of course, it’s always my luck to be in the worst place I could be. The vice-principal came and questioned us and why we’re just loitering. AJ and Cory got thrown back in the assembly and I was left there to wait. Later on, Ms.Williams told me that she talked to the vice earlier and how the vice thought I was unprofessional today by sitting with the students, while they were skipping class.

Let me tell you, that is a bad start for a first day!! Let alone, a bad impression to begin with!

I personally apologized to the VP afterwards, but I still feel a stone in my heart.

It’s hard being strict and teacher-ish, when really I’m just a student at heart.

Oh, Technology.

To me, those headset things that people have for their cellphones are only good for the purpose of driving safe. Otherwise, it makes people look like idiots. [I once asked my boyfriend why he likes using his headset in cases where he doesn't need to, he answered: "Because it's cool." What? Are you kidding me? Yeah, cool talking to a frikken wall.] This guy that is sitting adjacent to me right now is talking to his computer screen. –Or so it seems. It took me a good 2 minutes to figure out whether he’s talking on the phone (using a headset), or he’s just “not all there”.

I swear, it looked like he was talking to the monitor because he was pointing at it too.

What other “pros” do you see in using the headset, aside from it being a safety precaution for drivers?

Edit: 1:28pm
Oh, and don’t get me started on Ipods. Unless you can write a 500 word essay telling me how beneficial and extravagent the Ipod is to your life, then don’t come to me. Cause I will eat you alive while debating how much I think otherwise.

Cafe Noise

The joy of sitting in the cafe. A million voices passes you by and becomes one big ball of what i call, “cafe white noise”. You become oblivious to it sooner or later, you just won’t notice it anymore. But i have four girls sitting right beside me, two on the left and two on the right. What are they talkin about? They’re talking about MEN. Ones on my left said how her ex boyfriend is a stalker, and the ones on my right side declares that it would be nice to meet “The One” by now since she’s 22.

I’m sorry for listening in girls, but if I actually stuck my hand out, I would actually hit your face. That’s how close I am to you, your words just absorbs into my big head.

I’m tired of talking about men, what’s the new topic?