Sleeping Beauty?

My boyfriend sleeps (on an average) 13 hours a day. That makes me so frikken mad. WOULDN’T YOU BE? While i’m slaying at work, doing a 45 hours overtime week, and when I’m finally home to spend time with him via the internet, all I find is him on his sleeping marathon!

WE WERE SUPPOSE TO SPEND MY BIRTHDAY TOGETHER ON THE INTERNET JUST TALKING AND HE WOKE UP AT 5PM YESTERDAY! Meaning my anticipation of him not picking up his cell phone because he was on a airplane to come surprise me… was all just a lie to myself. He was sleeping the whoooole time.

DAVE, you need to get  A FUCKING JOB. This is a cry TO THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD to hire my boyfriend!

A job, please anything. Something to wake him up.

Xangans, should I mother him? or leave my sleeping BEAST be?

Middle Grounds.

As we grow older, there are many things/priorities/factors that take over our lives, more things to worry about, more things to live for. What I noticed about friendships is that as one gets older, it’s harder and harder to find a middle ground and a peaceful compromise for both sides.

When we were younger, say about in Gr.5-10, so many things were spoon fed to us by our parents that all we lived for was really school, family and friends (family is optional for many, as there are many broken ones out there). Hanging out with friends would not be in question, it would be a mutual agreement that lunchtimes and afterschool are for ‘chillen’. If it wasn’t for hanging out with friends, what else would we do? It was so easy to find a middle ground, so easy to find time to nurture the friendship.

Nowadays, I find it so difficult to find middle grounds with my friends. I think it’s because we have different schedules, attend different schools and most of all, our different beliefs. As we get older, our personalities and beliefs starts to settle, and not as easily persuaded by our friends like when we were younger.

I think that is why friends come and go so fast because it’s kind of like investing in a friendship, and at the end if there is no middle ground, then both sides would understand that time-off or breaking off the friendship would be best because it is a waste of time and effort to contribute to this non-productive friendship.

I don’t think it’s considered as not standing by your friend or anything, nor do I think it’s expecting an reward for every action that you take. But if a friend never has time for you, I don’ t think you would rely on that friend of yours very much anyway, and it’s a waste of your time especially. So if both sides are not benefitting from each other, what’s the point of the friendship? Wouldn’t it just be considered as an “aquaintance/co-worker” relationship?

Is it easy for you to find that middle ground with your friends? (I often find it harder to find that compromise with friends that are closest to me because there seems to be an already  existing comfort zone between us two that if anything comes in between our zone, the friendship would deteriorate.)

Does middle grounds come with age? (Sort of like, I’m 25… you’re 25. I know you’re looking into settling down because the biological clock is ticking, therefore, I don’t mind if you spend your time with your gf/bf 24/5, wherease if I’m 16 and you’re 16, ‘you’re my bestfriend, you should hang out with me! stop hanging out with your boy/girl toy!)

When friends pick over friends.

I’m happy when J gets a peace of mind from all this; from relationships and emotions. And then I get sad when his vision blurs, because then I can see clearly what he cannot see; like getting hurt from this relationship between him and Q. Then I get hurt when he chooses Q over his friends, over me. I think to myself: I’m just his friend, what am I compared to a lovely woman that he is merely in love with? I am just a friend, a lending shoulder. I understand.

Somehow ironically, I think that’s how I made my bestfriend feel the same a year ago. I implicated that one will always choose your significant other over your friends. Maybe not directly, but because there is more than a special bond between you and your significantly other, thus one is more compelled to run to s.o than friend. I drew up that conclusion, and I told her. Maybe that’s why she felt so hurt.

…cause now that it’s happening to me, it’s hurts me too.

Do you think that it’s just plain jealousy that I’m feeling this way? Or do you think that it’s human nature that people will always run to their S.O to help and support rather than to help friends and even bestfriends?

Do you have friends that always leave you because they’re trying to chase somebody or accompany their gfs/bfs? Do you feel obligated to understand?

If your bestfriend and your S.O were drowning at the same time, who would you choose to save? (suicide is not a resort/answer)

P.S leaving on a jetplane to NYC again in T-minus 17 days.

Do you ever get consumed by the music?

I think I’ve forgotten those passionate days, where just sitting on the bus and listening to a song that speaks my emotions, makes everything else around me so surreal. I literally feel like the music is consuming me, and time and worries just comes to a stop. I just take a deep breath, and everything seems to grow meaning and hope within, and today would feel like a brand new day even if the sun is setting before my eyes. I miss those moments. They make me nostalgic. They make me think of myself as a whole, often reflective. I rarely feel like that anymore, but I guess that’s the beauty of it. Cause when it does, it comes when I most need it. Without taking any of it for granted, I welcome it. And it gives me a whole new breath to conquer anything.

Deep inside, I think music is still my passion, but it’s a forgotten one…

I’ll take this time to dedicate this song to my boyfriend in New York <3. Everytime I  hear this song, it makes me think about us and all the ways we travel to see each other. Of course, just pretend this song was sung in a girl’s perspective… then it would be perfect : )

REX GOUDIE – RUN

_________

Iggy.

Oh my gosh! My pet tiger Iggy (down below, right corner of my page) can do something new now!!! It can eat PORK CHOPS!!! It’s so cute!!! EVERYBODY, YOU MUST FEED IT!!! (Just put your mouse over the “more” tab and a porkchop will stick out and just click on the porkchop and click it on iggy’s mouth)

EVERYBODY, FEED IGGY!

Minus, the Minus Comes Positive.

For all the negative people in your life, you have to find a way to cut them out somehow. It’s not even about not facing the problem (the negativity), it’s because they always seem to find a new problem to complain about.

My mom would probably be one on the list. Despite everything else, this is one trait that gets me so mad to a point where I become speechless towards her.

Or is it that, it gets me so mad that I just yell back in fast-paced English, which my mom doesn’t even understand, that it would have had a similar effect if I just remained silent. I think it’s just loud noise when I yell. Coherency is not on my side.

In my view, I think I have done the best job as a daugher any mom could ever hope for(Okay, maybe not the cleaning or doing the chores part). But the part where she does not ever have to worry about me because her biggest fears of education, job, experience, any thing that has to do with getting me ahead in life, I already have things in control. I have goals, I have a plan to achieve them, and I rarely seem to fail to claim success, yet — there is always something that i’m not doing that would please her even more.

Like buying stocks.

Okay, can anyone tell me how fucked up that sounds? Mom used to nag me about getting more volunteer teaching hours (which I have years and years of it), now it’s buying stocks to get ahead in life.

First off, I’m going to stay away in explaining how I even manage to pay for my life every month from paycheque to paycheque because it’s ridiculous all the sacrifices I have to make — but just know that I’m always standing at the end of the month. But the fact is, I’m 18. What does she expect? A Bill Gates out of me? What, does she talk to her co-workers and suddenly she realizes that all her co-workers sons and daughters are all stock investors and she feels left out that I’m not one? How many freshman college kids do you know invest in stocks?! Do I look like I have $1000 each month to invest in? Her answer? “Save little by little” No really. What do moms expects these days, I really want to know.

It’s just this negativity from her that gets me so down. Like almost all asian kids, the parents never seem to get enough of success out of their kids, or enough glory to spread around at family dinner tables. They always want more when there is a lifetime of opportunities. What may be lost is the little time we get in reflection and acknowledgement of our accomplishments each day before we froget them all too soon. They need to reflect first, before knowing what to improve on. I just don’t think my mom is right anymore.

I really can’t wait till I move in with my best friend in September. I don’t even care if that means I will be paying for all my expenses. How could ANYBODY put a price tag on THIS kind of freedom. You just can’t. Like how two negatives makes a positive, minus the negative (-, -) and here you go…. a positive comes out of it. ( + )

Do you invest in stocks? When do you think is the right time for people to invest in stocks? Is there a right age?

It’s Getting Beefy at Work.

Q and J have been on the hitlist for awhile. What I mean by hitlist is that everybody knows that they adore each other, yet they are not the official couple. However, many would like to think true of that situation for the sake of something to toss around in conversations when it gets dead at work, like on a Sunday morning.

Q is a newly Flippino immigrant which found a job at our restaurant not too long ago. J is this super fob, but minus the mindset of a fob which earlier, and now has changed his view on, admits in only dating other respective fob girls like himself. Now Q already has a 3+ year relationship with another man in the Phillipines, but it’s now called what I know best; ‘a long-distance relationship’. Her boyfriend cheated on her once, but she forgave him and claims that she still loves him very much. So I took her word for it.

One day, J asked her to go on a friendly hang-out. I guess that’s when Q started having feelings for J. The next time when all the work people hung out together, I couldn’t help but feel her eyes on J and the ’i'm interested’ vibes which all girls detects so well of (It’s a intuition thing, I’m sure you know what i’m talking about when a woman in the room is interested in another man). I told J right after of how I felt. J said he would never date her. No one saw it coming, but I did.

You know when someones likes you, you start to like them back? Yeah, that’s what happened to J. Q kept on insisting that they keep going out in private and just them two, and so their friendship and adoration for each other just grew stronger over days.

I think what bothered me so much as a friend is watching one of my closest friend (J) play the chasing game for so long and still going nowhere. He’s scared that if he actually confronted her (actually asked her out) she would reject him and choose her boyfriend in the Phillipines over him, and all would be lost. But that’s exactly it! How can anybody be second best to somebody else when you yourself put them as your first. I get angry when I think over this thought, because I hate to see my close friend being treated as a second side dish.

I worked today, and it Q’s birthday. Everytime I look at her, I could not help but feel my heart break. What Ian told me is still stuck in my mind: “Never try to come between your bestfriend’s relationships, because although you’re doing them a favour, you might lose two friends in return.” Like how J doesn’t want to lose Q, i don’t want to lose J as a friend. Now I’m just sitting on the side, trying to guide this friend of mine, speculating a disaster waiting to happen. It feels like shit, it really does.

People tell me that there’s not much to do, but to be there and listen. I don’t know whether I should despise Q for doing this, or wait until she tells her story of why she is doing what she is doing to my bestfriend. (I mean, she damn well have a good story to tell. Everybody knows I hate cheaters, and it doesn’ t look good on her part that she’s cheating on her boyfriend, long-distance-ly). I only wish I could prevent this before I need to lend a shoulder out, but it’s J choice afterall, and I have to respect that no matter what.

Have you ever watched your bestfriend(s) crash and burn? And felt hopeless and incompetent to help?

Do you think that Q is entitled to cheat on her bf in the Phillipines just because he did that to her once?  In your view, does she have a trump card that will get her off the hook in cheating?