There Are Some Things That I’ve Forgotten: You.
Dave is on his way to Virginia for 4 days, and I miss him already. It’s not like it’s any difference for him to be at home in Queens, I mean — I don’t get to see him either way, but I think I’ve adapted to him being at home, rather than somewhere that would possibly put more of a distance between him and I. However, in order to become a good girlfriend (hehe), I wish him a safe and fun trip (sincerely), and promised myself that I wouldn’t throw any tantrums or think something up just so I can throw tantrums at him when he gets back.
I really and honestly think that half the time that I’m mad at him is because I truly miss this guy and there’s absolutely nothing I can do about the distance between us.
I feel bad for the past few days for all the bickering, I truly do, so I decided to read his xanga all over again– from the beginning. Everytime I read it, it reminds me of the man I fell for. It reminds me all over again, why I’m with him, and why I adore him. Despite the fact that he hardly writes anymore, but because he wrote all those memorable entries, I know that part of him is still in him — and I love it. Maybe he changed for the better and he’s alot happier now, (and sadness is the best catalyst for writing), I just wish he would write more nowadays. I fell for TheSideProject
I was looking through MSN and this is what I found. Alot of these points really do make sense, and I think I did concentrate on them some time or the other earlier in my relationship, but now have forgotten or have given up on working on my relationship for the better. (I’ve bolded some completely because I think they’re 1) very important or 2)I need to work on that for myself)
24 Things Love and Sex Experts Are Dying to Tell You
1. Never underestimate the power of a compliment.
“Every day, tell your partner about one thing they did that you appreciate. Everybody is quick to let their partner know what they didn’t do right, and what made you angry. Make sure you balance this with what they do that pleases you. From the small things to the big things, the more you say ‘Thank you,’ the more of what makes you happy will come your way.”
2. Sex: Just do it.
“Have sex—even when you don’t want to! Many times, arousal comes before desire. Once you get going, you’ll probably find yourself enjoying it. And the more you experience sex, the more your body will condition itself to want it. You’ll feel more sensual and energized, and your partner will pick up on this sexy change.”
3. Listen more, talk less.
“Communication is 85 percent listening and 15 percent talking. The more you listen, the more you’ll enhance communication. Try getting out of the house, taking a long walk without your cell phones, and just looking into your partner’s eyes and listening to him. It’s an amazing thing in a relationship when you truly feel listened to!”
4. Sweep your problems (the little ones) under the rug.
“It really is okay to drop certain subjects and not even come back to them. People think this means you’re avoiding key issues. But for everyday little things, successful couples agree to ignore the small problems. It’s not worth the aggravation to insist on winning everything.”
5. Treat your love like a cherished friendship.
“The happiest couples relate to each other with respect, affection, and empathy. They choose their words carefully, avoiding the most poisonous relationship behaviors—criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling— and feel emotionally connected.”
6. To change your relationship, change yourself.
“In most relationships, we think, I’m right, you’re wrong, and I’ll try to convince you to change. The truth is, if one person changes, the relationship changes. People say, ‘Why do I have to change?’ But when I show them how to tip over the first domino, their only question is, ‘Why did I wait so long?’”
7. Watch out for harsh comments—they hit harder than you think.
“When you’re tired or frustrated, it’s easy to slip into being critical of your partner. But remember, negative expressions and comments and behaviors hold much more weight than positive interactions. Make sure that for every one negative interaction, you have five positive interactions to counteract it—a touch, a laugh, a kiss, an act of love, a compliment.”
8. Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it…twice.
“Try being adventurous in bed. Even if you don’t like something, give it at least two chances before you give up on it—it may grow on you!”
9. Be the first to offer the olive branch.
“Often when there’s a problem, each person will wait for the other to take the initiative to work things out. But the longer you wait, the more frustrated you both get and the worse you feel. Try making the first move to break a stalemate. It doesn’t mean that you’re giving in. You’re getting the ball rolling, rather than being stuck.”
10. How to be a couple and still be free.
Give the love you want to get. “Put out lots of love and appreciation and doing your share, and you’re much more likely to get it back. Put out demands and complaining, and you’ll get that back too.”
11. Fight for your love.
“I’ve never seen a decent marriage where there wasn’t a lot of conflict. Conflict is always the result of uniqueness, the differences between two people rubbing up against each other. Lots of people try to shut themselves down in order to avoid conflict, but any two people living full and vibrant lives are going to clash at some point. If you manage it carefully and thoughtfully, conflict can actually give your marriage a shot of energy. You can have a broader, fuller, more interesting relationship.”
12. Sex matters; couple time matters even more.
“Often couples focus on scheduling sex and working very hard on their sex life, and they don’t get anywhere. But when they focus instead on spending time together—going to the movies, working on a project together—then often a better sex life will grow out of that.”
13. Don’t get caught up in right or wrong.
“It’s easy to fall into a power struggle of who’s right and who’s wrong, but that prevents you from actually solving the real problem. You’re not going to be punished for being wrong, so don’t worry about who’s right—work together to solve the problem.”
14. Feed your relationship.
“People often make their own needs a first priority, and then say they can’t get what they want out of the relationship. It’s like going to your garden and saying, ‘Feed me,’ and you haven’t put any plants in the ground. Make your relationship your first priority. Maybe your relationship needs more time, more vacation. Maybe you need to put in more positive statements or more moments of connection. Become partners in taking care of this relationship. If you get couples engaged in a mutual project, which is their relationship, no matter what they come up with, it’s good. It’s the working together that does it.”
15. Words are like food—nurture each other with good ones.
“Say things such as ‘I love you,’ ‘I really appreciate that,’ ‘I’d love to hear your thoughts about…you name it.’ And use more empathetic words, like, ‘It seems like you’re struggling with this.’ You’ll communicate genuineness and respect, and make your partner feel loved.”
16. Never mind equality; focus on fairness.
“Everything doesn’t have to be 50/50. Having a sense that each person is doing what’s fair—even if it’s not always equal—is what really makes a happy marriage. That applies not just to housework, but to the relationship itself.”
17. Remember that you were partners before you were parents.
“If you have children, don’t forget about your own connection and relationship and put everything into the children. Make relating to each other one-on-one—not just as parents, but as lovers—a priority.”
18. Learn how to communicate without saying a word.
“We are profoundly affected by touch, both physically and emotionally. Happy couples touch each other frequently. A caring touch offers a simple acknowledgment of your partner, saying, ‘Way to go’ or ‘I know that was difficult for you,’ without words.”
19. Pay back your partner using his or her currency.
“Each of us wants our mate to pay us back for our contributions, to give us positive reinforcement. But this payment needs to be in currency that we recognize. A wife may say, ‘The way I show I care is that I make his bed every day,’ but if he doesn’t even notice that, it’s ineffective. Get to know what your partner is looking for and make sure you speak his language.”
20. Draw on your successes as a couple.
“One way to bring out the best in a relationship is to focus on what you’ve done right in the past. For example, if you’re trying to break a habit of bickering a lot, think back to a time when you were bickering but ended it differently, with humor or by dropping it or in some other way. Every couple has a big list of experiences when they handled things well, and it’s important to draw on this catalog of successes, rather than just focusing on the times when thing sended negatively.”
21. Dream a big dream for your relationship.
“When two people dream a great dream for their marriage, they typically see their relationship take a dramatic step in the direction of that dream. Start dreaming big—envision where you want your lives and your relationship to be in 10 years. Then let yourself be inspired by these dreams to make whatever changes are necessary to live these dreams out.”
22. See things through each other’s eyes.
“A lot of conflict comes from always putting a negative spin on what your partner does. Instead of telling yourself that your partner is being thoughtless or irritating, try to think about it from the other person’s point of view—ask yourself, What is going on inside that would make him or her act that way? The behavior might still be a problem, but being aware of your partner’s intention can change how you view the problem, and make it easier to communicate about it.”
23. Cultivate trust to grow intimacy.
“Trust issues are like sparks in a dry forest—you want to deal with them as fast as you can, whether it’s something major, like an affair, or something smaller, like a wife sharing intimate things about her marriage with her best friend. You have to remove the reasons for lack of trust so that you can both feel safe sharing yourselves deeply.”
24. Never lose sight of the romance.
“It’s important to keep setting aside time for romance. It doesn’t always mean that you have to go out for dinner or take a trip. Be imaginative. In fact, I think it’s better to have little romantic episodes more often than to have one romantic blowout a year. You want this romantic feeling to be threaded through all your days, so it becomes part of the lifeblood of the marriage.”
