December 24, 2006
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Maybe I Don’t Want Macho.
I went to church tonight. (I haven’t been in a very long time, but I went because I wanted to celebrate the birthday of a very special man in my life. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.) After the service, I mingled a bit with everyone and asked how everyone else was doing in their respective lives. I wanted to see what I’ve missed these past few years that I wasn’t at church, who’s getting married to who, yadda yadda yadda.
However, I bumped into B and to my surprise, from what I recalled to be a “so how’s it going and what do you do now?” conversation, it quickly transformed into a deep, meaningful, engaging, and must I say, mesmerizing discussion about life and love.
I asked if B was still with A. He said yeah. It’s been 3.5 years.
Oh course, without shame of jumping down a stranger’s throat (I don’t really know B that well), I asked if an engagement is in prospects. He nodded. Yep, and I gushed.
It’s funny how I opened up to B so well. I don’t think I’ve told anybody at church why I’ve decided to restrain from living the Christian life — and yet, here I was! Telling what impacted me and wounded me the most for the most part of my life — to a stranger!
I could see that B had tears when we were discussing about divorce, and love that never really worked. I didn’t think anybody would care nowadays (especially guys), I didn’t think people would even try to relate to me, because truth is, everyone has a broken family. It’s a common wound that will heal with time. But he wanted to reach out, and I could feel that. The room was filled with people, but I don’t remember anything but B’s eyes looking into mine.
A part of me wish I can find someone like B. Someone who isn’t scared to show their emotions, isn’t scared to reach out, isn’t scare to heal those that are wounded — like me.
Machoness is not what I am looking for. I don’t care how you dress, what you drive, how much money you have, how many buildings you own, and I definitely don’t care if you act tough or not — if you’re really not that tough at all inside. I know for a fact is, I want someone beside me that could hold me close, and make me feel protected in every aspect of life. Not just financially, but physically, mentally, and most of all — emotionally. And I think the only way for a man to fulfill those elements, would be that he, without question, lay out all his vulnerabilities also.
Being vulnerable, in my opinion, is not the antonym of machoness. A real man, I believe, will cry and fight for what he truly loves and believes in.
Comments (6)
Hey, I found you on the philosophy blog ring, I like your site. btw, isn’t “asians that are bad at math” an oxymoron? Or are you a rare breed that has to band together in xanga blogrings
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I always believed that a man who is afraid to express emotion has insecurity issues…especially when you’re in a relationship, and expressing vulnerabilities is a facet of a healthy relationship.
Merry Christmas to you too! =)
Merry Christmas! =)
awww what a great post!! i agree! i need a guy who’s emotional with me (and macho with the guys i guess..hehe). i wouldn’t be able to take it of my guy wasn’t vulnerable and genuine with me..
haha
how about a macho softy?
i agree, it’s rare to find guys who are “in touch” w/ their more sensitive side, that aren’t too pansy or big whiners. men don’t have to be macho, but they also shouldn’t be weak. vulnerable is ok. weak is not.