Valen-frikken-tines!

This year, I’m a smart woman. To avoid yet ANOTHER lonely and no-roses-nor-chocolates Valentines (and no, LATE roses being sent through the mail do not count), I planned ahead and I grabbed a Valentine as soon as I see one that’s good. Here is my Valentine for 2007:

It’s my cupcake Vincent.

“Nelle, I’m going to take you out for dinner.”

Oh — just sugar to my ears.

But since men are all idiots, and they talk more than do, Vincent included, I must not get my hopes up. He might dump me for another 6 year old girl at school, then I might just have to fight her for it on the school playground!

Now, to prep, what kind of chocolates does lil Vincy like…

Edit: Haha, you all must be thinking, “Where are you picking up this kid, you sick molester!” Well, FYI, it’s Slutburger_with_cheese’s little brother. I go to slutty’s house to entertain Vincent in playing the PS3 with him.

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You Know You’re Getting Fat…

…when your girl friends buy you clothes that are increasing in their sizes. See, JP used to buy me extra small, if that wasn’t available, she would somehow think that extra extra small would also fit on me. Alas, JP just wouldn’t accept that fact that I do not have the normal ASIAN girl body type. For starters, I wear size 7 pants. I hear gasping, shut up! I know! Size 7 is pretty much NON-EXISTENT at Pacific Mall and if it is, it would be in the obese section — in a dark dark corner. “Waaaattt?! Siiize sevaaan? No no, no such fing ova here!”

I just have really big child bearing hips, that’s all.

So anyway, JP recently got me a pair of sweatpants. (Aw, how sweet of you, thanks dear!) and I noticed on the tag that it says “M”. She jumped 2 SIZES!! From XS to M. Does she think I’m getting fatter? How come she hasn’t brought it up in person? Haha, well, I figured, hey I do fit in “M” and maybe that girl has finally accepted the fact that I have the Asian North-American figure and that I never really did fit in XS.

So ladies, next time you need a clear and honest answer, (and not the words coming from your girlfriend’s mouths because they always tend to lie and tell you you’re not fat), just tell them to pick an article of clothing out… it should work like a charm. “WHAT? You think I fit into a LARGE?!”
See, caught red-handed right there.

Liability.

Maddy is a liability. Thus, I cannot possibly keep her anymore to accompany me on those lonely nights. Not that she is a bad “liability” as in, she’s hard to take care of. She is a gentle soul, and all she ever wants is her veggies and her time out of the cage to play. Which – both I do not provide.

 

Well then, moving along, the point is: She is a liability on my cashflow. I mean, I would love to keep her, she’s nice to put my head on as a pillow because she’s so round and fluffy, but there are some things in life that I just need to prioritize at this moment. Maddy, sigh, sadly didn’t make it on the list.

 

So as for the recent neglect of her care, I must find her a good owner that will provide her with infinite care and love. She is a great bunny, and therefore deserves the best. (And no, I cannot let her out in the wild because she’s past the stage where, if I were to let her go outside, she wouldn’t know how the hell to dig a hole. And most definitely be eaten out by an evil dog.)

 

Limited bedding and food is provided for Maddy if you decide to keep her.

 

Oh yes, one more thing. She is healthy as she can be!! I bought her at PJ’s (fucking PJ’s) and when I brought her home, she was really sick. I spent $250 on her vet bill to fix her.

 

If it creates much of an incentive for you, Maddy also comes with a $40 gift card from PJ’s.

 

Anybody up for a new friend? Again, I will deliver my bunny to your doorstep, given that you are of close proximity. FREE DELIVERY. And please, don’t fucking eat her. I WILL know.

 

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Assholes!

 

Psychology textbook explanation:

 

The need for dominance is thought to be greater in men than women because it could facilitate males’ reproductive success in a variety of ways including:

 

1) females may prefer mating with dominant males

2) dominant males may poach females from subordinate males

3) dominant males may intimidate male rivals in competition for sexual access

4) dominant males may acquire more material resources, which may increase mating opportunities

 

Secret_agent_nelle’s version of why women date assholes:

 

“The reason why women date assholes is because there is a biological theory. The theory goes that men who portray themselves as assholes also position themselves as  more superior than the female gender. When the female gender experiences this shift in dominance, where the male is situated higher than them, they will ultimately feel protected by this asshole if problems or safety issues should arise. Such as, if another asshole wants to touch you, your asshole will beat the other asshole’s ass. Thus, women like to feel protected. Another point would be that because they see this strength of masculinity (and therefore, nice boys tend to not portray as much masculinity as an asshole would), it is ideal that the woman would want to procreate with this asshole in order to continue his legacy and perserve genes that is considered to be “the best of mankind”. That is why women gravitates towards assholes. Hats off to the assholes. You sneaky bastards.”

 

AGREE?

Strong Will.

J sees me sitted down on the floor patiently waiting for our philosophy class to begin. I had headphones on and a book in hand that read “2 Years to a Million in Real Estate”. He gestures me to talk.

J: “Is that a textbook reading, or is that just wishful thinking?”
I took my headphones off, looked J in the eyes, and smiled softly.
Secret_agent_nelle: “No, it’s a goal. Life goal.”

I didn’t say it was a dream,
because dreams are meant for people to chase.
Goals, are meant to be achieved.

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Busy Bee.

Now, this is not nearly a cry for sympathy or pity. But rather, an explanation as to why my material has been lacking, or I haven’t been talking to you, commenting back, or replying to your emails. Victims: Djcaptainzowie, Irene, Aquapink, Greenadd1ct, and the rest that may feel rejected. (But please, I would still love to hear from you. Every email sends a tear to my tearduct, but because men have jaded me so, I don’t fucking cry anymore. But nonetheless, tear to the tearduct that doesn’t come out.)

Secret_Agent_Nelle’s Daily To-Do List (in life)*

- School. Two degrees at the same time. 150% course load.
- Slaving work on the weekends
- Volunteer at a inner city school on the weekends
- Reading on the side. (I have finished 3 real estate books, in two weeks. Total page count: 650) On top of psychology, philosophy, social science, and educational readings WITH notes taken in each reading and leisure reading. SO WHO WANTS THOSE DAMN MAGAZINES NOW. Fiona, Stella?
- As if 150% course load is not enough, I’ve decided to sit into an extra 5 hours of Accounting and Finance class in Schulich each week. Which… I am not enrolled in.
- Research for my business partner.
- Hustlin’ with my business partner to get everything right. So we can start rollin’ in cash.
- Sleep.

* This list does not take into account of the existing variables in life such as family problems, finanacial problems, writing long and mundane papers and assignments,  and road rage, all of which contributes a pinch of neurotic anxiety to my life.

Now, as I was saying, that Rubik’s cube is still in it’s package — unopened. I just don’t have time for leisure anymore. My face crammed into books, that’s my leisure.

“Don’t let nobody tell you what you can and cannot do.”

When Shit Hits the Fan.

Now I fully understand why mom always told me to save my money. Even though she emphasized on saving 100% of what I have in hand, and perhaps that isn’t the best way to make a little girl understand that in a consumerist society, and I still don’t agree with that percentile, but I feel the hit now.

When shit hits the fan, you just wish you had that dollar bill to block it.

Life is funny.

You don’t understand the full value of money when you have it, it’s only when you chase it.

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Closet Full of Cash.

I started running out of clothes hangers, and I find it harder each time to squeeze in a shirt in my closet. I started counting the number of tops and bottoms in my closet. I stopped after 80 for my tops. And that number doesn’t even include the shirts that I don’t wear, and the ones in the dryer that I’m washing. Most of my clothes still have their tags on them.

What the fuck for?

I stood there and looked at my wealth of clothing. Meaningless. Everytime I come home with shopping bags, I also come home with the bags of problems I had before to begin with. Shopping, ultimately, doesn’t make me happy. Spending doesn’t make me happy if it isn’t for the right cause.

I really need to revaluate myself and what I am doing with my money.

So Done.

I like Jeannie Ortega. It’s hard to believe that judging from her first single “Crowed” ft. Papoose, she would actually release something so “rock-ish” like “So Done”. Haha, she added the ‘scratching’ at the beginning of this song to keep her Brooklyn background alive. Whatever Brooklyn background she has anyway.

When it comes to music, I love the words more than the melody. I never used to listen into the lyrics much (that was when I was young anyway, consumed by anything you throw at me), until somebody pointed it out that what I was singing to was very demeaning and vulgar, and I had no idea — I felt so ashamed of my ignorance. From then on, I listened to every word. That is, if I could even make out what Sean Paul is saying. I LOVE Sean Paul to death regardless. We be burnin’! Haha.

“So Done” is dedicated to you. It could be you, or him… or him.. or him. These words deem true to me, I think there is a LONG line of guys from my history that fit into these words. Oh no no, I’ve let the guys go already. I just like to dig up history/present once in awhile to remind the guys that they’re still jerks, (Oh I’m expecting hate comments, arn’t I). Listen carefully.

“What was I waiting for?
There will be no second chances.”

FASHION, Lou Lou, Toronto Life.

Does anyone want my magazine subscriptions for free? I just don’t have time nowadays to read my magazines anymore. I guarantee, the creases are not cracked, nor are the magazines out of their plastic wraps – they’re in mint condition. I just feel bad that they keep flooding in every month in my mailbox, and nobody is taking advantage of the secular knowledge on fashion and the beautiful city of Toronto.

Leave a comment/message, and I’ll DELIVER it to your doorstep, given that you are of a decent proximity from where I reside.

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Cold, cold Nelle.

I have come to a conclusion that perhaps, the romantic secret_agent_nelle is slowly withering away…

Case 1: I was eavesdropping on A’s conversation. Actually, I was just picking up key words: “bahamas”, “stars”, “proposed”, and just formed assumptions from those three words. So I thought, yeah, A’s boyfriend proposed under the stars while they were in Bahamas. I later asked A for confirmation and she nodded. Except — she said that she declined. At this point, I know myself and I would probably be whimpering or sobbing for the poor guy for being rejected. But instead, I threw my head back and laughed in A’s face. Yeah, I know, how rude of me.

Case 2: My mother kept on yelling for me from downstairs to come watch something on the television. “What is it mother?”, “Look! Look! It’s a six million dollar wedding!” (secret_agent_nelle rolls her eyes) The Chinese Bride: “Oh yeah, hun went and found the diamond himself and spent so much time carving it into the right shape, so I thought I’ll marry him!” “Mother, I want to fucking barf!”

Oh P.C, you have come too late.

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Biological Clock Is Ticking Fast…

Sister’s msn screen name: “Must fall in love, because falling out of love is the best diet pill!”

Will someone PLEASE marry my sister. That is a desperate outcry from her ticking time-bomb biological clock. She really needs some kids.

Ahem.

Successful, beautiful, early 30′s. Interior designer. Will make your house look like a million dollars. Looking for a lifetime partner. Christians are extra welcomed. And No… no strings attached.

He’s Just Not That Into You.

Have you read this book yet? Quite a witty book. I think I need to read it again, but ironically, I gave my copy to Janice as a present awhile back. I thought she needed some words of feminist power to conquer all the morons in her life. But it seems like I run into more morons than she does on a daily basis.

Actually, it seems like guys run away from me. Or that they do stupid things to distant themselves in the relationship. This goes for all my past relationships.

It seems like everyone is scared to sign on the dotted line. Soon enough, I’m just going to crumple this piece of paper, and nobody will get to sign. I’ll just go single for life. With my cats.

Xangans, what’s your way of knowing if the person is “not that into you”? What do you do then, after knowing?

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MC Like Mine.

“The only thing that keeps me up
When I’m feeling down
I don’t know about you
But I got to keep mines around…”

We all know Bow Wow is talking about his Shorty.
But we all know that I’m talking about my Master Card.

Nothing heals better than a few swipe of the card.
Soothing of the addiction…

Let Go.

“Let go, I know I got to be strong…”

.. and so I did. I burned the roses tonight to reaffirm my strong will in living and the strive for the future. I didn’t burn the roses for the process of forgetting, but to signify that I already moved on. For some, it is harder to let go of the past because of this immense fear of missing out on somebody, perhaps The One? But while they are waiting a lifetime for that person to come around, the world keeps moving and instead of just missing one person, they are letting a whole world pass them by at the same time.

And so we live on.

We learn from our past and breathe in tomorrow. The letting go starts from the will. Letting go is so easy when you want to, so hard when you put value in what was never yours. We keep thinking about the money, the time, the emotions and tears being put in a relationship and that keeps us stuck in one position. We think of all that as concrete investments, so how should one walk away? Rather, how can one walk away?

Don’t put value in it. It means nothing to you now…

And just like that, life didn’t seem so heavy for me all of a sudden. It means absolutely nothing, no significance. Money, I can find more. Emotions, I can keep on healing. Tears, I can keep on drying. But time… is not something I have to waste and burn for a dead-end relationship.

So just let go. I’ve never known somebody that has fallen in love, and haven’t had their heart broken. C’est la vie.

For Resolc.

 Note: I will not be held liable for any ear deafening.

For once in a lifetime, here is Secret_agent_nelle singing in her jammies.

YEAH, that’s a pink pick that I’m using.

And NO, I didn’t tune my guitar.

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I thought Psychoexbf was actually my pscyho ex bf leaving footprints on my page. (To the ex: you never know, you might have gone psycho in these past few months, haha how arrogant of me). So I ended up clicking on the user’s name to check out if it really is him, alas — no.

But what a great way to get girls paranoid, and wondering, and getting free footprints.

 

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Swearing Tendencies

My swearing tendencies have gone up 200% since September, as oppose to the regular 1% from occassional toe-stubbings on the door.

What the hell happened?

OH, after this past thursday lecture, I now know why I swear at a daily basis. Here is my leading man:

Professor John Dwyer.

I just wish I had this on tape/recorded — and transfered onto YouTube.

Prof D: “Good morning everybody! How is everybody doing? As you can see, I didn’t lose any weight over the holiday, instead I gained weight. So what I did is that I bought myself some diet drinks. It’s suppose to “normalize” my metabolism.”

(laughters)

“What? There were girls with bikinis on the label! How can I resist? But you know what pisses me off? The drink [liquid] is fucking pink!”

(Swoons the water bottle filled with pink liquid in a circular motion)

“I’m scared I’m going to grow breasts after drinking this, but you guys are going to tell me if I do right?”

(laughters)
(A student walks through the door 2 minutes late with a cellphone against his ear)

“GET OFF THE FUCKING PHONE!!! I’M FUCKING LECTURING AND YOU’RE ON THE FUCKING PHONE?!?! JESUS FUCKING CHRIST! OR WHATEVER FUCKING ORTHODOX YOU ARE! JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!”

(Secret_Agent_nelle drops her jaw. She’s thinking: “but I love Jesus!”)

(Prof. D continues his lecture)

(Another student comes in and walks up to the front row filled with TAs and addresses class matters with his respective TA)

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? I’M FUCKING LECTURING AND YOU’RE TALKING TO YOUR FUCKING TA?”

(student apologizes and goes to his seat. Prof lectures)

“You know who is the world’s biggest masturbator? Jean-Jacques Rousseau. He’s the man that says, “Why have 1, 2, or 3 women when you can have any woman… while you’re masturbating.”

(Lectures some more)

“Some people ask me how the hell I keep the attention of the students. Well I tell them I have to say “fuck” alot in class. If that doesn’t work, then I would have to move onto the word “cunt”. Oh trust me, I’ll use it if I have to.”

Note: There were no embellishments added.

So there you have it ladies and gentlemen. The very source of my admiration for my educator, is what corrupts me at the same time.

Which course is it, Yorkies you may ask? SOSC 2340. Business and Society. Take it if you’re still missing your 9 credit sosc.

Do I Find Comfort In Pain?

They say that I am a sucker for punishment. That I will never learn in the game of love. I will always give to the wrong, and never see the right. In this case, it means I’ve past P.C long time ago, or that I’ll never see P.C the way that he is, even if, he was standing right in front of me. I apparently, find comfort in pain.

Do women go for assholes for this reason? Because there is a large population of us that find comfort in the chase? The lack of reciprocity? The heartbreak and pain?

There are words, sentences, and questions I wish you did not say or ask. They linger. They feed onto a part of me that must not be fed. It gives me hope, when there are none.