Closer.

 ”Love is an accident
waiting to happen.
Desire is a stranger…
you think you know.
Intimacy is a lie we tell ourselves.
Trust is a game you play to win.
If you believe in love at first sight,
you never stop looking.”

2 Parts To Me.

There is me, my brain.
– and then, there is my heart.

The harder I try to put these two parts of me together, the more distracted, depressed, emptier I get. It’s like, they’re never meant to be with each other. If I think with my brain, it will make sense, but it won’t make me happy. But if I think with my heart, it will make me happy, but it won’t make sense to me.

So there are times like this, like right now, where everything’s all jumbled up and I just widen my eyes, while sitting in the dark and crumpling up both my mind and my heart and just toss it out the window.

Sometimes, I care too much to care. Just feed me some ice-cream and I’ll be more than happy.

Do you ever think/feel that way?

Bikini-wini.

In about a week and a half, my marketing group will be presenting. I will be strutting in front of my Marketing class in my strawberry-patterned bikini. No black bikini though – I don’t want to let the guys in class to fantasize too much and have sudden erections. (Everybody can tell by now that I would do anything for marks right? That is, except for all the dirty things that is going through your head right now. You pervert.)

Dilemma is:
- I have a week and a half to get myself in shape. That’s going to be hard work. Should I just cut down on the amount of Junior Chickens that I eat? (Body’s natural response: “Nahhh!”)
- However, if I don’t shape up at an exponential rate, walking in with a bikini with a gut hanging out might just backfire. (Professor: “Gut hanging? Minus 50 points.”)

There goes my A. You see the dilemma?

So, Junior Chickens or Shaped-up body? And really, I doubt my body will even shape up that much, considering I never had the intent to exercise in the first place. Just let the body lose fat — naturally. (What? Your body doesn’t do that? Well mine does! Har Har!)

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Complicated.

Guys make my life really complicated. They really do. I used to be the complicated one, but not anymore. Who made me into a guy? Assholes along the way. But hey, I’m not complaining. Jaded is as jaded goes.

All I want is a guy that will talk less, but talk when I command. And is good in bed and will make me a turkey sandwich after a good sac session. That’s it. THAT’S IT.

Edit: Fine, I lied. On top of fixing me a turkey sandwich and not talking too too much, they have to be P.C material.

Allergy-Provoking Nutrients.

“Just as some things in your diet can help to alleviate your allergy or asthma symptoms, others might be linked to worsened symptoms. Try to decrease your consumption of the following foods that can promote inflammation.”

Everytime I drink milk, I get a fever and I get sick for weeks. Anybody expreriencing the same thing? It’s gotten so bad that I think I permanently damanged my vocal chords; I can’t sing in the range that I used to be able to. (That’s why I haven’t done a video for you yet Kiwihead, it’s because I’ve been sick alot lately).

Then I saw this on msn.com

Milk and Cheese
Milk protein is a common irritant of the immune system.

Omega-6 Fatty Acids
Although you need some of these acids for good health, they can intensify inflammation and other immune responses. Foods that are high in omega-6s include cottonseed, corn, and sunflower oils and processed foods such as mayonnaise and salad dressings.

Protein
It should account for no more than 10 percent of your daily caloric intake. Observe the recommended daily allowance of no more than 50 g.

Saturated Fats
Whether they come from plant or animal sources, they trigger the release of inflammatory chemicals.

Trans Fats
Rates of asthma and allergies in teens are highest in countries where people eat the most trans fats. Avoid products that contain partially hydrogenated oil.

I eat everything and more of the above items. They’re all my favourite foods. I must be killing my body at an exponential rate eh. You know what they say, they say that how a woman takes care of her man, is shown in how she takes care of her own body.

Market Yourself.

I never understood why my Marketing professor looks the way she does. She keeps emphasizing her success in past companies that she worked for, sure — she even has a 900 page textbook that she wrote, which I am reading right now — but I don’t believe it. My first reaction when I saw her when I walked into first day of Marketing class was, “Umm am I in Marketing? Because she makes me not want to take this class.” Since I don’t want to risk having her coming across my blog and seeing this, I will not post a picture of her, but a similar picture so you xangans can fathom the geekiness that I have to endure every, single, wednesday.

Yar, but in female form.

The glasses, the non-conditioned hair, the saggy breasts, the 1970′s clothing. Sigh. Market yourself, will you?

Marketing class should have professors looking like this.

Oh you BET I’ll do my homework.

No? I know you all agree that professors should all look like this.

Women and Finance.

The other day, I sat at the dinner table rapidly chipping away at my dinner as I normally would to avoid any eye, word, emotional contact with my parents. But because I was curious about the family finances, the only way I will know is to initiate a conversation with my mom with a question. I asked:

“Mom, do we have a mortgage?”
“No. We paid it off.”

Surprised, I blurted out,
“Then what the hell are complaining about money for? Shouldn’t we be sitting on cash right now??”
“I don’t know.”
“What do you mean you don’t know?”

By now, I’m thinking, DAMN that Home Equity line must be one, thick, piece of meat. I wonder how much equity is in our house…

“Mom, how much equity do we have in our house?”
“I don’t know.”
“What? How come you don’t know anything about the finances?”
“Because this is your dad’s problems to care about, not me. I don’t care about these things.”

My jaw just dropped wide open, hitting the ground, and my respect for my mom also droped 1000 points – hitting its all time low. How can ANYBODY in this day and age NOT care about the finances in the house? Or at least have some kind of idea? My mom didn’t even know how much my dad makes every month. It’s really not that I hard, “the product of the hours worked and hourly pay equals his salary.”, I said. She felt non-chalant about it. I cannot believe that my mom complains about the finances in the house and never took the step to get to know it a bit better, so at least she can win arguments with my dad about money. How can you win, when you literally don’t even know what numbers to blurt out?

My mom needs to be updated and upgraded. Indeed.

Xangans, what do you think about women and finance? Should it always be 50/50 in the household? What if the woman makes more? What if the man makes more? What do you think will be YOUR rules in your household? What’s your core belief about relationship and money? I think guys should always pay for the food bills.

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“If you’re not taking someone else’s money, know that they’re taking yours.”

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Home and Gardening.

As I was watching Oprah, I suddenly realized how much influence that woman has on me. Whatever she says, goes. Whatever she tells me to buy, I will get off my butt and go to where ever the product is being sold. However, I will never read another Oprah’s Bookclub book ever again because they’re horrible. I truly believe that, that woman does not read the books that she recommends. However, I still love Oprah to bits.

So she had one of her Gardening shows, and after watching that, I had more shame than what I had before towards the front yard “garden” and the current backyard situation. It’s a fucking mess. I tried to do some topiary (shaping bushes) and obviously, it didn’t come out the way I wanted it to. That was years ago though, I wonder if my topiary skills improved with no practice. Anyway, this summer, I decided that if my mom is willing to throw me a budget for the front garden, I will do some designer landscaping myself. I just can’t stand that huge ass bush in front of my house. The bush is huge.

The left side of it is half gone because it was trespassing on my neighbour’s “side” of the lawn. I bet they regreted saying that because we just literally chopped off one side and no matter how much my anal Italian neighbours fix up their garden, the ugliness of our lawn will creep up beside them. It will definitely decrease their real estate value having our bush paint up beside their garden master piece.

I love clean, simple, modern gardens.

This is not called redecorating your backyard, It’s called demolishing it. I consider redecorating involving some patches of grass left at the end of your project. But hey, it’s still nice.

Height.

Holy Crap, I need to grow another 6 inches. I want and need to be 6′ tall. I have this admiration and possibly fetish for people who are tall. I want to be tall, possibly because it will give me a power trip. Tall asian girl — intimidate everyone in my way.

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Mistake #286

…not carrying an umbrella out yesterday when it was raining. People who know me, know that I love umbrellas and have many of them in different styles and colours lying around. People need to understand that no matter how good you look in your outfit, in Jimmy Choos or not, if your umbrella is a flimsy one with odd pokadots that totally clash with your tartan dress pants — you will look like crap, no matter how good your hair is fixed up that morning. Having the umbrella coordinate with your outfit is what I call “mindful of how you dress” and possibly “class”.

The best advice is to purchase black umbrellas. Because we all know black goes with almost everything. But keep in mind that it must be a high quality one. Nothing is more embarassing than your umbrella turning inside out and you’re left fighting with the wind.

So since I didn’t bring my umbrella out yesterday, I sacrificed looking like an idiot, covering my eyes (because I wasn’t wearing any waterproof mascara), and having my dress pants soak a little on the bottom despite the heels that I was wearing. See, I looked like an idiot running in the rain, when I could just stroll with an umbrella.

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Dress Shirts.

I’m having problems wearing dress shirts. They look incredible on you when you first buy them (provided that you didn’t put it in the wash yet), they’re all crisp and wrinkles-at-a-minimum at first. Then, you throw it in the washer, throw it in the dryer and you realized the crisp is gone. No matter how many times I iron my dress shirts, it still doesn’t feel the same way. It feels sloppy.

Is anybody having the same problem?

I hope I don’t become a Paris Hilton, where I will only wear my clothes — once.

Why I’m Not a Physicist.
(…marks are out!)

Flying Scissors.

What happens when a student threatens to chuck a pair of scissors at another student, and you happen to be the only authority figure in the room? Yeah, take it away from the student right? No — we are not in 2nd grade anymore, highschool students will stab you to death if you try to stop them from doing what they want to do. It’s almost like taking their cigarette from their mouth and stomping it on the ground and telling them to stop smoking the cancer stick. If you have done so, consequently, you will most likely find that your car wasn’t in the shape that it was in when you drove in this morning.

Anyway, so C threatened to chuck a pair of scissors at J today. You know what I did as the authority figure in the class? I told J to run. “Run J run!! Run for your life!” When you can’t stop the target, you avoid it.  Too bad J didn’t run… or duck. Too badddd. That’s for not listening to Miss Nelle.

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Mistake #384

…having a student walk away with my business card today. Not only will my department be very anal about it, I will possibly receieve spams, invitations to phone sex sessions from male students, or the possibility of having a student show up at my door step. All my contact info was on that business card. Now tell me, why am I NOT blonde?

My excuse: “Listen York University, you can’t fire a teacher volunteer! I volunteered for God’s sake!”

DAY 2 at “X” School.

You must be wondering what happened on DAY 1, since it is evident that I didn’t account for it. Well, ladies and gentlemen, for the rest of the week, I will be somewhat “volunteering” my time at “X” school to do what you thought those useless TAs that stood at the back at the classroom and did nothing and were good for nothing are doing: observe. I will be observing how the school system runs, because my teachers college program demands that I do so.

So uh, anybody want to tell me why I need to observe 40 hours of highschool time, when I, myself attended highschool for four consecutive years once upon a time?

However, what is interesting is that I got placed in an Alternative Education class in first and second period, and for those that are not familiar with “Alt. Ed.”, it is different than “Special Ed.” because I don’t work with students with mental dissabilities, but perhaps social and academic dissabilities. And to make it clearer, they are usually labelled as the “trouble makers/delinquents/failures”. What a shame.

Let me tell you, I like it in there. Those students are unbelievably hard working, polite, they maybe give attitude once in awhile, but nothing horrible that I haven’t seen yet. I work with a girl name C. She is the only girl in that class. Mr.M tells me that C’s been giving him alot of problems. I can see why, but her and I are working out pretty well. It’s frustrating as Mr.M and I were talking, that we know that these students are so bright and that they are capable of many things, but they don’t take it into their hands themselves to make it happen. It’s frustrating beyond belief, because there’s only so much a teacher can push a student. They have to first see it in themselves.

I think what caught me off guard yesterday, was when C was hanging out with her friends in the halls, and she caught a glimpse of me and didn’t hesistate to yell out — “Hi Miss!!!!”. She could’ve easily turned her head and ignored me and stayed cool just like any other student, but she didn’t. I wonder if she realizes my purpose. I wonder if I am creating a change already — perhaps, a change in her?

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Mother’s Day.

Oh my god. It’s Mother’s Day again. It wouldn’t be such a hassle if I had a good relationship with my mother and I know exactly what she likes. And I’m tired of buying her pots of flowers that she doesn’t even take care of. It’s like that movie “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days”, she lets those flowers die like how Matthew McCoghnehey (sp?) lets the love fern die. I’m tired of having those flowers symbolize my relationship with my mother!

So, what are you doing for your mom this Sunday? Suggestions? Comments?