The Bachelorette‘s Jen Schefft wants women to realize it’s better to be single than sorry, and says so in her new book. In this excerpt, she breaks down the idea that it’s good to be hard to get when, in truth, it’s actually better to be hard to get. It’s a subtle, important distinction.

Rules Shmules


Whenever I’ve tried to follow any of those play-hard-to-get rules — usually on the advice of a seemingly well-intentioned friend — instead of ending up with a boyfriend, I’m left with a massive headache.


Should I reply to his text message immediately? How many hours should I wait to return his call? How many days do I have to wait to see him? Do I have to pretend I’m busy on Friday night? Actually, what am I doing? When I don’t like someone, I “let them down easily” (essentially blow them off) by not returning phone calls and hope they get the idea. But when I actually do like someone, I’m also not supposed to call him back?


Here are some examples of the difference between playing hard to get and being hard to get:

Playing hard to get:
You’re cold and aloof because you think it’s mysterious and that’s going to make him want you more. (Um, what if he’s not attracted to witches?)




Being hard to get:
If you’re distant, it’s only because you have a lot going on and you’re not around to call all the time. But when you’re with him, you’re attentive and show him your best self.




Playing hard to get:
Purposely not returning a guy’s phone calls and calculating a random number of hours you’re going to wait until you do so. “If he called me at 4 PM, I guess I have to wait at least forty-two hours to call him back so he doesn’t think I’m desperate.”




Being hard to get:
Not calling him back immediately because you’re actually busy with work, dinner with friends, a manicure, whatever. But you can call back in the same evening. There is such a thing as manners.




Playing hard to get:
He asks you out on a Wednesday afternoon for the following night, and even though you don’t have plans, you tell him you won’t be free until the following Saturday.




Being hard to get:
He asks you out and you can’t go because you really do have plans. Suggest another day that works for you to let him know you’d still like to see him.


Buy a copy of Jen Schefft’s Better Single Than Sorry from Amazon.ca or Chapters.Indigo.ca.