Choices

Everyday we wake up and we make choices that define who we are. From the clothes that we put on ourselves, the food that we eat, to the lies that we tell others and the conversations we have with the people around us. Everything involves a choice. If you’re a fully functional and awake human being, you are making conscious choices.

I understand, that our respective histories and experiences, and oh yes, personalities come into play. But don’t give me that excuse of, “I’m born that way” or “I’m raised that way” or “I’m new to this” to hinder your options. It’s our inner most drives and desires that ultimately turn our thoughts into actions. The furthest I can agree with the nurture argument is that there is a PREFERENCE of choices based on our experiences that we’ve encountered, but even then, the alternative choices are still there. Whether you want to take the choice that you’ve always been taking, or the one that is less traveled upon, is fully up to you.

So when people say, “oh, she/he is just like that“. Don’t believe them for a second. They are not like that. People are not static, minds and personalities are malleable. In fact, that person just made a conscious decision as to how to portray or delineate themselves to the public. We always attach somebody with a permanent label (ie. asshole), but when truly, he only has asshole TENDENCIES. He really…. isn’t an asshole afterall. (shifty eyes).

And maybe that’s why I get trampled on over and over again in relationships. Because I always have too much faith in somebody, and always will. But I won’t be so easily jaded. I think it’s good to have faith in people, you never know who needs it the most.

But that is also why when mistakes are not corrected the next time, when they are clearly brought up as an issue the first time around, I know that that person had a CONSCIOUS CHOICE to make the right decision, but yet decided not to. They just relied on their most traveled, most favoured, most comforted choices made from before. Nothing makes me more upset than that.

Anyway, I wake up every morning and I have a list of things that I choose to be/do/become. I just wonder, what would happen if I choose to throw that list of things that I call “myself” away just for a weekend? Just go crazy and do what I usually wouldn’t be doing otherwise? Like party to no ends, flirt with countless guys and break their hearts, sleep with them too and make them utter those three deadly words only to tell them that I’m not the committed type, running around with skanky clothes, etc etc.

I don’t know. I always have the Plain-Jane-oh-so-boring tendency. What if I just throw all that away?

Would you ever throw “yourself” away just for a weekend? Is it even possible to come back to your “old self” afterwards?