You just can’t. This is who I am. I’ve been writing since 97. A journal about everything in my life. Then I moved onto digital journalling known as blogging to save trees. And here I am, 6.5 years into xanga, I’m older than alot of you xangan kiddies.
Here are some thoughts:
1) Unica babes, if you’re reading this, hereto a healthy competition: I will pummel your ass in the SR ladder and know that I will become number one sales at our branch. I still love you though.
2) Justin wants a property by the end of this year. And so, he will get it.
Say It Ain’t So. My Hiatus.
So, Slutburger_with_cheese is pushing me to go on a xanga hiatus and instead of trying to alleviate the ‘hiatus’ mentality (which seems to be on most xangans’ minds nowadays anyway. Ahem, Resolc, Yosho, Fee2bme, just to name a few), he fully supports this sacrilegious behaviour against the xangan community.
Do I ever back down from a challenge?
It was a rhetorical question, but for the doubters, the answer would be “no”
But really, if one were to record the amount of time he/she would spend logged-on to xanga on a daily basis, one would realize that the time spent on xanga, could be spent on something potentially more productive and might I add, something more fulfilling in life.
Not that I’m bad mouthing xanga or anything.
Just. You know. I want to do something that doesn’t involve staring at my screen and having to keep pressing that refresh button every five seconds for the next four hours to see if I have new comments, messages, footprints, friend invites, updates and OHHH must we never forget, the new subscribers. Every time I gain a new subscriber, tiny waves of orgasmic seizures run through my body — and don’t tell me it doesn’t happen to you. It happens to all xanga whores and xangsters.
Yeah, we need to stop. I need to stop.
This is the end of the line for Secret_agent_nelle… ….until next time. Slutburger will now proceed in changing my pw, so i won’t log in.
We Learn.
I learned tonight that no matter what people say, I myself included, words are just words. Actions will always always speak louder. There are so many people whom are gifted with the flow of words and whom are able to concoct a self-image that may not parallel their act, but people will always hold on to words alot longer, because it is an immediate fix to the ego and ill-faith. But it takes a stronger person and timing wise, even longer to observe the actions of others in which patience, understanding, and unbiased judgment is needed and only executed by those with great character. Only then, will the right to judgment is validated.
Sometimes, we look to judge so fast, but the real monster is in ourselves. As the saying goes, we point our finger at others, and three other fingers are pointing right back at us.
If we just stop and look at the “games” we play and all the time and effort spent on the “cheat” and “tricks” that we used to play this game, there is only the result of a “loser” that comes out of this equation.
We think we’re ahead of the game, but we’re not. And why are we playing games in the first place? We just end up hurting the people that are closest to us.
Some people say they love you, but they really don’t. Whereas, some people say they don’t love you, but in actuality, they really do.
And some people say that they will always be there for you, and they let you down. Whereas, some people say they won’t be there, and they end up at your doorstep when you needed somebody the most.
Only time and actions will tell the truth. Never words.
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What is?
What is love?
I remember back in highschool, there was a “What is Love?” poster plastered on one of the corner walls in the Philosophy classroom. There were quotes and opinions from well-known writers and philosopher from all over history that each took part in contributing to this poster on their ideal of love. But there was this one quote that stuck out for me, and I still remember it till this day. It’s a simple quote, but a very powerful one in my opinion.
I love you not because I need you, I need you, because I love you. - annonymous
You kind of have to sit and think about it for a while.
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This stupid song is in my head.
Laughing is the Best Medicine.
Being sick sucks. Laughing helps.
“Naked pictures of your Buddy’s girlfriend”
Okay, it wasn’t that funny. But it made me giggle : )
Knowing You Care.
I think a big part of relationships and having to commit to someone is so that you know that if anything ever happened, somewhere in this world, there is that one person you can always rely/count on. I’ve heard many say that it is the label that obligates the individual to do such and such, but let me assure you, if your significant other starts talking to you in this tone: “Well, of course I have to do it, *roll eyes*, I’m your boyfriend.” or “I’m going to pay for this later if I don’t do it, aren’t I”, then yeah — time to rethink about the person that you’re dating and if you really want to invest all your emotions in that one basket.
They’re doing it just because they have to. Not because they want to.
I really do hate it when people do things out of obligation. The quality of the gesture is at its minimal because truly, they don’t reaaally give a shit. Everything is just a means to an end, and most probably, that end is not what you wanted as well. For instance, guys do certain things, like get you flowers not because you like flowers or wanted to see you smile, they just wanted to get in your pants or get you to perform some sexual favours (i’m Canadian, I spell it that way) at the end of the night. It’s their selfish end that they were gunning for. And of course, I’m not speaking on behalf of all men on this planet. (shifty eyes).
So while I was in the bathroom huddling around the toilet because I felt like I was going to throw up with all this fever and cold infesting my body, I thought to myself, I would really like my future husband or boyfriend to be able to take care of me when I’m sick. It’s really the only time when i’m truly vulnerable. I mean, if men weren’t there to take care of me and protect me, what the hell are they good for?
Entertainment? I can entertain myself. Everything else, I can do myself.
If I ever ended up in a hospital, it’s safe/good to know that when I gain consciousness again, I will expect and know to see only one face waiting for me to get up.
And ontop of that, when I’m sick, like now, I’m needy as hell. I am basically like a five year old. FEED ME!!! VITA LEMON TEA!!! SUSHI!!! SEND TO ADDRESS BELOW!!! It’s real!!!
Sunny Days
I decided to move my indoor office to the outdoors so that I can soak up the sun and tan. I am currently in my short-shorts, t-shirt, and sporting a cowboy hat to prevent any other freckles that decides to appear itself on my face without my consent.
It’s hot today in Toronto.
I lurrrrvvv it.
But I think my computer is over-heating as we speak. Delly is sweating.
Okayyy, must get back to work!
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Edit: Well, after half an hour of baking under the sun, Delly included, I’ve migrated back into the house where it is alot cooler. I swear Delly’s screen was going to melt.
I think I caught a cold with a slight fever when I woke up this morning, but now that I roasted in the sun, it has turned into a full-blown fever. My forehead and ears are burning. Uhhh, I’m feeling dizzy.
The only thing that will make me happy in this whole wide world right now is my VITA lemon tea and sushi. Nothing else will make me happy, nothing. Okay, maybe money, because I’ll need the cash to buy my tea and sushi.
Let it be known that I will never drink wine again. Instead of the alcohol acting as a depressant, it has somehow reversed its real purpose and has created some manic state in me right now. I am led to believe that there is some superb caffeine mixture in that wine that I consumed tonight. Hence, I am still up at 5:30 am typing this random entry! And I, secret_agent_nelle, is never ever awake at this ungodly hour.
Oh kick me in the head, I have work today.
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You know what would make stalking a heck lot easier? Instead of xanga putting those orange thingy-ma-bobs online alerts beside the profile name within the entry titles of the subscriptions page, Xanga should just make it so that the alerts appear on the left side bar beside all the sub profile names, so I can just see it in one glance who is actually online. Bam. No more looking through my subs to see if ______ is online. This is stalking, made easy.
I would totally illustrate my point with a picture, but…
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I’m hungry. It’s 5:34 am.
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My mom is leaving to NY in 30 minutes or so. It’s a 13 hour ride. and 13 hours back. She’s coming back on Sunday night. It’s Saturday morning as we speak. Did it occur to anybody that, that is probably the most useless trip ever? She’s gonna spend majority of her time on the bus. That’s okay, at least — she’s gone for majority of mother’s day. Fantastic.
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Xanga DrrAaaaAAAaAaaAma. Ya’ll know what I’m talking about. And I ain’t taking part in it. Nuh-uh.
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Did ANYBODY see this coming? Not me.
How in the world did KEVJUMBA get Jessica Alba’s attention?
Please refer to Shake_things_up latest post. Watch the videos, and you’ll be boggled at how this kid managed to capture attention of celebrities. I mean, I used to watch him, but even then, I didn’t think he was THAT funny. Hence, “used to”.
Kuababes, I think you’re in the wrong blogging community or using the wrong medium to get to your life long dream of having sex with Jessica Alba.
Alba seems to like video blogging alot better. Not crass writing.
A highschool kid is beating you to your life long dream. For shame.
Basic Principles: There Are None.
In light of Nikki__tran’s recent featured entry, I must say that I respect and do agree with majority of the guidelines given. Now, the reason why I say guidelines is that the word “rule” seem too rigid in a fluid concept such as “dating and relationships”. I suppose we can all agree that not one relationship possess the same dynamics of another, because quite simply, every relationship is composed of two different people each and every single time, bringing in different factors, personalities, histories, and etc.
So, why do we like to use the word “rule” so much? I guess because once these rules per se, are given out and made known of, we subconsciously think that we have control over our emotions and destinies if we just follow these rules. It’s an illusion of self-control over a matter of the heart and love. But little do we know, that when one is encountering such complex and notorious circumstances, we often don’t know why we do the things we do. And most often, we thought we knew ourselves and how we would react, only to find that we know so little about ourselves looking back at the aftermath of our actions.
What I’m trying to say here is, how many times have we fallen for the vile bitch, the douchebag/asshole, the lazy-no-good couch potato, the immature jerk, the over-the-top-diva-princess-that-don’t-justify-her-own-glory? We all have and we all do. That is why those guidelines exists, because they have been created through our own very experiences. Notice that there is no timeframe or age that those guidelines are specifically applicable to because we can essentially fulfill them anytime in life. But we fall for these characters because regardless of what people say, we overlook their flaws and we think otherwise. We put belief in somebody that nobody else believes in. Let me just contradict my whole entry for a second here by saying that, that is probably the first principle of love: believing in somebody when nobody else does.
We can spend our whole lives preparing ourselves emotionally and physically with those rules, but the thing about love, is that we never see it coming.
Now let me put it in application for you. Last night, I tried to pull a Nikki__tran by mentioning to my S.O that rule 24) Hanging out with the ex=bad idea in hope that he would see my side of the story. But alas, because of my insecurities in gripping onto rule #24 that I automatically think that it is a bad idea regardless whether my S.O was innocent or not; his explanation just didn’t matter to me, because a rule is a rule. Now that I’m thinking about what I was thinking, where is the rationalization and analyzation? Where does the trust and the leap of faith fit in?
There wasn’t any, because I was only following a rule. A rule written by a person that knows nothing about who I am, who my S.O is, and what we do.
So why apply rules that knows nothing about you? Because we know little to nothing about ourselves. If one knew themselves well, one wouldn’t need rules to dictate his/her relationship(s).
Basic Principles? There are none.
Our First conflict / argument.
“Come on, then I must be doing something right in the relationship.”
Optimism.
*Oh no, no no no, the picture has no such insinuation at all! Nada.
