June 28, 2008

• A Lesson on Relationships via Real Estate
  (I know, it’s long. But trust me, it’s good. READ IT!)

  
  

  
  Rule 9: Be Willing to Walk Away From the Table
  “This is one of the most powerful cards you have in your hand as you play the negotiating game. It gives you the ultimate power. You must be willing to walk away from a deal if things are heading to a conclusion that does not fit your goals. Just because the negotiations have gone on for a while doesn’t mean you have to continue them.”

  
  

  First of all, let me just clarify that it’s not about playing games in relationships, but more of compromising… or negotiating each other’s wants. But simply put, if the relationship is boiling down to something you don’t envision yourself in or want, then you must be able to walk away from the table. 2,5,8 years into the relationship? Doesn’t matter — at the end, it’s not what you want. So just walk away.

  
  

  “I’ll reiterate: real estate is like a good transit system. If this property goes by, another one will come your way soon. So there is no need to buy in a panic; knowing that puts you in a position of power.”

  
  

  Knowing that you’re worthy of a good man or a good woman gives YOU the ultimate power. Know your self-worth and you’ll do alright.

  
  

  “When you do walk away, however, leave the relationship on a high. Use a “more in sorrow than in anger” approach. In other words, leave the door open for the negotiation to continue if the other party chooses. you might say something like, “I’m sorry, but that’s far more than I want to pay. I really would like to do business with you, but I can’t under these terms. If you can come up with another way we can do this deal, I’d be glad to listen. Call me.”

  
  

  Leave with class. Or try to. I know, I know. Break-ups and fights can get messy, real messy. Usually, if you think before you speak, you will say everything you wanted to say, and keep inside what is probably unnecessary and harmful to your position. (I gotta admit, this is something I need to work on. When I’m provoked, I run my tongue on everything).
  
  I like how he mentioned to leave the line of negotiation and communication open, in case the other person chooses to renegotiate. It’s not about anger or much of emotions at this point: it’s about not settling for a crap term (relationship) that you don’t want to sign up for.

  
  

  This proves that you’re serious and shows the other party that you wont’ be manipulated into making a bad decision. Once you’ve made the other party aware that it doesn’t matter if you buy it, you have transferred more power in your hands. This approach will also stop the vendor from trying other tactics. As an aside, the first time you do walk away, you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how good it feels. Walking away from what could have been a bad deal is very self-empowering. Learn to do this and you’ll never get caught in a bad deal.

  
  

  …and this is the part where people settle: when they get manipulated into making a bad decision because they want to be nice or “understanding”. No. You are not “understanding” if you are left with no choice. E.g “Accept it, that’s just how I am”. If there is something about the person that bothers you and to be honest, if you could accept it in the first place, you would’ve done so already! So the fact that it has become an issue, and the person is not compromising, then you have found yourself cornered into a bad decision.

  
  

  Remember how that saying goes? If you can’t be content with yourself, then you won’t be able to make another person happy. It’s honestly all about being able to live with thyself and not depend solely on another person. Let them know, it’s good to have them in your life. But you can live with or without them. But I gotta admit, if you like your S.O, life is a bit more meaningful than going to sleep alone at night.

  
  

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  As a side note, before you all think I’m some conniving bitch that runs through her negotiation skills (or lack thereof, I have yet to learn) in her relationships, I do not. If you haven’t already read Sun Tzu (actually I haven’t) or other negotiating books, you would know that you should never let your opponent know what your method of negotiation is. So the fact that I’m baring out my point of view on this, and knowing my S.O is right around the corner of xanga, only means that it’s something I don’t “use” to get me through my relationships.

  
  

  I just found this passage to be very profound in terms of relating it to ‘relationships and settling’ as we all have problems with sticking with the ones we are initially infatuated with, but aren’t really right for us at the end. 

  
  

  Remember: You must be willing to walk away from a relationship if things are heading to a conclusion that does not fit your goals. Because you are not in a relationship to change a person. They are who they are, and if you don’t like those terms, then you don’t have to sign. Extract the emotions from that point, and walk away. Regardless whether you love them as a person or not, no one is questioning that, but for a relationship to work, it takes REAL compromises and negotiations and REnegotiations – and not just “understanding”. Two to tango.

  • 11:30 am
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