Facebook Fever!

I love love love Christine. I would just like to say that I’ve watched every one of her videos. It’s her innocent comedy that gets me. Note, I’ve never heard her swear in any of her videos. And here I am, thinking you gotta express your comedic talents with swear words because it just ain’t the same without the ef word when you stub your toe. Or something.

Ya’ll guilty. I know.

Worst Version.

Have you ever caught yourself in the worst version of yourself?

I think I did yesterday. As I got onto the bus with Rachel, I didn’t wait to complain about how I hate the fact I have to be back in class after 2.5 months of York University being on strike.

“I hate the fact that I’m commuting for just one class. I hate it how I have to go to school. I hate it how I’m having the time of my life right now and I have to be back in the prison classroom. I don’t like the program that I am in right now, I want to do real estate…”

And I just didn’t shut up.

Then Rachel caught me in the midst of it all and said, “You know, you don’t have to come to school if you don’t want to.”

“Yeah but…”

“But” was all I could say because it’s true. When did I turn so egocentric? So ungrateful? So spoiled?

I had to turn my head away from Rachel so that I could search some light from the window. I dipped my head in shame, and as I looked outside, all I could think of is how there are millions of people around the world right now that wishes that they were in my position. To be able to have an education, and everythign else that I am blessed with in life. And here I am, complaining.

I snickered at my worst self. “I am pathetic.”
Hopefully by being mindful, I will never have to see that side of me ever again.

I Am Smiling.

Because I understand now. Everything that people couldn’t answer, everything he wouldn’t answer, I went out and got answers for. And damn, does it feel better than ever. After months, hours, minutes of talking, expressing, crying, praying; it all becomes so crystal clear.

And she’s right,
forgiveness is such a sacred and precious thing for me to give.
Yet, whom I want to give it to, probably doesn’t even acknowledge the wrong.

And so I realized:
That I am not responsible for his well-being anymore
That I am not responsible for his change.
That I am not responsible whether he see the lessons in our fall.
That I am not responsible for him at all.

It lies within his choice.

Many people have tried to show me the facts, but it just doesn’t make sense until you take a step forward and start believing it. And when you believe — oh life changes. Life. Changes. And nothing, and I mean nothing, can stop you from there. A weight lifted up.

I’m just going up from here baby… Life IS good. God is good.

Passion To Accomplish.

I started to learn how to cook.
Reason for the title?
I told myself I was gonna learn how to cook. so I did.
I always told myself that sometimes it’s not the content of the actions that pushes me,
but the spirit of accomplishment that drives me.

For those that didn’t believe in me…
this is a start.

_______________________________

I love love love this song.
I secretly (well, not so secret anymore), have a list of songs in which inspires me and that I would only wish to dance to one day. No, not the dance-in-your-room dance. I mean dance.
When I get better at Ballet, maybe I’ll let the world in for a glimpse. 

I want to know absolutely NOTHING about him.
I want to be as far away from him as possible.
I want to stop thinking back on memories
in which he chose to create with dishonesty.
I want our lives to untangle itself.

As if we never ever existed.

I’m learning how to forgive, but it’s harder than ever.
One day, one day….

Obama Baby.

I don’t know why it didn’t occur to me to take a bus to Washington to watch Obama’s inauguration. I don’t have work or school today. I feel regret creeping up.

Like they say, you don’t have to be African American or American for that matter, to appreciate what that man stands for.

I am a Canadian by the way. And 26% of the poll-takers would vote for Obama over any of our home grown leaders any day. That’s what they said.