June 26, 2004
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Was about to get offline yesterday, then dad came into the room and tediously asked me about this website, if i’ve ever been on it; Workopolis. “Yea dad, I have, and they’re not good” “Why” “Because, they’re like for big companies. And it doesn’t work for me. Here, go on the job banks that government provides” I showed it to him and told him all the good things about it. Suddenly he sighs pitifully and walks away, as if he felt like even his daughter did better at choosing job websites than he did. Now it’s 11am and he’s locked up in his room planning to sleep all day because he didn’t sleep at all last night. Pondering what? I don’t know, just hope he’s okay.
When dad asked me about getting a job in the summer, I felt all the pain and burden coming back. It just hits me right across the face again. I felt tears brewing up because I simply don’t want a job if the world won’t give me one and secondly, I don’t want to revolve around money. Money couldn’t and shouldn’t be the objective of anything that I do. Passion comes first. But here comes that hand again –smack!– reality hits me harder this time. I need to find a job not for my benefit, but for my family.
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YOU have no idea what you’ve done, do you? You have no idea what you’ve said, do you? You have no idea what kinda joke you’ve made, do you? You have no idea how I’m feeling, do you? You have absolutely no idea, what a girl in a different country is doing for you, do you?
You just have no idea.
I hate it when guys stir up something, only to leave it hanging.
Gawd , I’m sucha joke. Maybe I should just crawl into my bed and stay there like dad.
12:19pm
To someone I love dearly, Kelly Kim
I don’t know what happened. I get torn everytime I get off the phone with you. Maybe it’s because I realized that I missed you, or maybe it’s the fact that there’s already an icecold wall between us and nomatter how hard I try to break it, you keep putting one up. I reached for our grade 8 yearbook, and read your long typed message to me. I felt myself laughing at your silly comments, and crying because I wish you would talk to me like that again. All I want to do is see you and rekindle our friendship that you promise would never end. I find myself getting tired of trying nowadays, but i can’t seem to let go of someone that has been in more than half of my life. What can I do to make it up to you? What can I do to make you talk to me? Is there even a chance for me to save ourselves?
