December 29, 2004
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I climbed into bed hoping I would find some solitude there. I did, and the darkness swallowed me inside. Only the faint glow of the stars on the wall sheltered me, even then, darkness caved in. I closed my eyes only letting a river of burning tears drown my pillow. I struggled to breathe, I remember, wondered what life would be like if I could just lay in bed and never be awake again. Never have to deal with any of the problems, never have to hurt, never have to listen to his boisterous voice piercing my ears. I started to choke at my pain and fear, at the thousand pound of burden I so hesistantly bear. Whispering words of strength, but my cries comes out even louder and deafens my thoughts. I curl my body and hug my knees. Just fall asleep nelle — fall asleep.
