January 11, 2005
-
I’m in such a shitty mood. I just feasted on two glazed donuts.
I just feel like nothing’s going my way. Especially school. And being me, i had everything in control last year, and now i’m just watching everything that i am or i’ve ever built, only to let it down. Yea, procrastination, lack of motivation, they’re all my fault. But I tried. It’s not like i’m totally not concerned about my academics, infact, I finally realized that i’ve based one of the factors of my happiness in achieving good marks. (I lied about the “nothing” cliche shit as my pricetag for happiness on the side.)
Maybe I shouldn’t get so bitchy because i got a level 3+ on my monologue in philosophy class today. That’s rougly a high 70 percent. I screwed up on my monologue, that’s why. But that’s exactly it, how can a drama student (likewise) be undermined by non-drama students? Maybe I’m just tired. Maybe it’s because I tried memorizing my lines at 5 in the morning while at the same time, trying to study for my human growth test, which I also… didn’t do very well in. Oh stop it. I’m just making excuses up for myself so i can pout and pity. I know it’s because I didn’t try hard enough, and I let my main competitors get ahead of me. (Yea, I subconsciously compete within people in my class with marks, and I damn well better beat them, or at the end, it would be me that I will be beating. Irene, I can see you shaking your head at me, telling me what a hopeless child I am) But you know what, I know my potential, and what I can do. Today, i’m not reaching it, when I actually want to. And it’s pissing the hell out of me.
Anyway, I’m headin for a nap. I’ll get away from all this under my warm and toasty blankets.
