March 29, 2005
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I’m going out to jog now. DIE FAT DIE!
12:10pm
Okay confession: I didn’t go joggin this morning like I said above. And I lied yesterday too, I didn’t go joggin either. But I do want to. Just that evertime I make my way out the door, or decided to jump in my tracks, something always comes up and I get distracted.
Like this morning, I was just about to jump into my suit and go joggin till my head falls off, but my mom caught me before I could even put my feet out the door. She wanted to talk to me. Family stuff. Usually, people who know me, I talk. I talk about how I think about situations, or what are my emotions towards whatever. But whenever my mom starts talking to me about particular things, I just sit there, avoid eye contact, dangle my feet on the chair like a little child, and nod whenever she asks: “do you understand, Ellen?” There’s so much I just want to say, but something is always holding me back and I just become a little child. All choked up in words. I think it’s the fear, fear of what’s going to happen to this family of mine.
1:07pm
Confession: I want to get away from my family. I want to get away from this world. Send me to the Bahamas and let me die in the ocean blue.
Comments (2)
i use to sleep my problems thinking my problems will dissappear. but it never does. i think running is the same thing. i always told myself i want to melt with the ocean breeze. and let the waves drift me away.
dave~!
keep ur head up.
heyhey,
we’ll find our way there somehow ; )
well, i got them off lilly’s friend, so i got both of them for 65, so i guess you owe me 32.50?
more like we owe lilly, i didn’t pay her yet.
heyy what are you doing friday night? we’re going to see a lacrosse game for fellowship and i think there are a few extra tix, wanna come?