July 3, 2005
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Mom and dad are getting a divorce tomorrow. That’s what he kept on yelling about, and mom kept on disagreeing, but what could she possibly do? This subject comes up so often, there’s no turning back. They’re dead. He’s dead. He walked away and is tired of building this family. Don’t pity me, pity the word “love”. How it can deceive you, whisper euphoria in your right ear and come out as lies on the left. How it straggles you after many years of building this relationship on mutual understanding, but all the while, you’re left alone with tears on your lap. What the fuck is marriage anyway? When on average, 1 in every 2 Americans divorce. What does loving really mean? When claiming it only leads half of the population wounded. Well, now i’m just confused. Confused about every fucking thing that has to do with this family, love, and above all, trust.
Comments (7)
Awwwww Ellen, I think that today you were experiencing what I experienced months ago. My parents got divorced and my mom left forever back to Hong Kong two days ago. Sometimes, maybe it’s for the best. Family issues just blow for lack of words.
Having divorced parents isn’t so bad. You get 2 sets of birthday, Christmas and Chinese New Years presents….and you can forever blame any screwups on the lack of family support.
In all seriousness though, my parents divorced when I was too young to understand what it meant. To be completely honest..it sucks ass. But there is small comfort to be taken in the fact that these things are never taken lightly. If they did not decide that it was best for the family..i doubt very much things would be where they are now. Looking back, i now see that if my parents had stayed together, there would never have been a single day of peace in our household. And a family is not defined by where or with whom we live, but by how we choose to be with those that are considered family. So in the end, you cannot break up a family that was never a family, and you cannot break up a family that is a family by simply simply seperating them…even to different ends of the earth.
My thoughts are with you and yours.
Oh my gosh Ellen! I had no clue! Maybe it is for the best if they are both unhappy and i’m sure its bringing your family down. As for love, really who the heck does know? I’m just as confused as you.
I think things will work out for the best though hun. Stay strong. Love you.
hello ellen. =) how are you? it was so nice seeing you today before the interview. i don’t know. he took longer with my brother than he did with me. and i hope he does call back with good news. =) i do want to be trained by you! you’re so nice and competent and mom thought you were great too, doing many things at once. =) ah, ellen, the multi-tasker. first of all, i want to thank you so much for the note on my xanga about wishing me happy birthday. that was very kind of you and i’m really happy you did that, and you remembered. =) that kind of gesture means so much, which is a lot than i can say for a certain someone else that just…. let me down. this person and i have known each other as long as you and i have, and they just… blew it this time around. i’m still thinking on it and wondering what the heck happened. perhaps it really was an honest mistake.
oh ellen, i’m sad to hear about the divorce. =’( i hope things get better. it’s good to hear that your mom tried through it all, and that she stands for herself and the rest of the family. i hope you’re alright. you seemed happy and cheerful today, and i thank you lots for your hello and smile today. =) i was so nervous. if Neil hires me, it will be my first real job. =)
anyhoos ellen, i hope we get the chance to talk with each other, and spend some good time together. =)
love stella.
btw..what song is this? i want..pls
Elllen nowone understands this subject as much as me.
My parents divorced when I was four.. and both my parents remarried, and now my father and his current wife are int he process of divorcing. I know its hard, trust me. I know this feeling all to well, and know if you EVER need someone to listen to you if even for hours on end I can be that person. Love is a tricky thing, but know that the love between me and you will never end in divorce. i love you. Keep your head up beautiful <3
i wish i had words of advice to offer, or understanding/mutual stories to reconcile you in this time of sucky crap beyond comprehension or description.. but i don’t. and for that i’m sorry. i can only offer you my listening ear (i hope you still have my cell number.. do you?) and this, a *hug*
sorry if this was weird, i just hope you get the underlying message i was tryna get at though. itd be nice to grab a drink or something if you’re not working late or something.. it’s been awhile. whenever the time’s right for you.