March 6, 2006
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Self-Help Books.
Self-help books are only good for you to pick yourself up from a dirty break-up. If you do not need to consult it, then don’t. Especially when your relationship is smooth sailing, don’t go looking into the books for something that is “missing” and that thinking it would make your relationship even better than it already is. Chances are, it won’t. It will drive your eyes right over the head of your significant other, making sure that you focus on something far-fetched, when Mr.Right is right in front of you with his heart written all out for you to read it.
I learned that the hard way and way too late. I’m afraid I’ve already made some damages to my relationship, but late is always better than never. I realized that instead of having a relationship, I was in love with the idea of how a perfect relationship should turn out. I wasn’t loving all the hardships and frustrations, I was loving the “If my bf loves me, he would do this…”
Yes, perhaps he should. But my thinking was that after I read a fairy tale line in a book, I would expect a “one, two, three snap my fingers” transformation, just because the book says so. Or even worse, I would blame it on him, and add it to the “it’s his fault and his flaws” list. That is such a wrong mentality. I almost thought I was actually… too perfect.
This thought dawn on me when my boyfriend and I started crazy fighting over the idea of whether to get sushi for dinner or not. I could not help but feel this intense selfishness and guilt in my heart that maybe I caused some unhappiness in his life also. When I saw his face, that’s when I realized, I’m not that immortal afterall. That I was able to break hearts, even when I act as the perfect girlfriend by the books. If the books didn’t work, then there must be something wrong…
That’s when I knew that I needed to throw out all those self-help books. They were crushing my heart and suffocating my relationship. I needed to say goodbye to Cinderella. I needed to know who my boyfriend is and not who the book tells me who he should be. I need to work on my relationship, and not seek refuge with unanswered, far-fetched dreams. All I needed to do was to read something that I overlooked all this time: his efforts, and his heart.
Comments (5)
You would be surprised at how many fights start over sushi dinners *sigh*. But agreed, self help books are a portal for paranoia. What never seemed to be problems suddenly look like they might end the relationship, and what once seemed like farting during a basketball game all of a sudden becomes he doesn’t pay any attention to me, and what’s worse, he doesn’t respect me enough to keep his flatulance discreet. But there is something to be said about referring to them when the relationship is on the rocks. Maybe unbiased, unpersonified views help us to see what we’ve been missing. As an added bonus, there are no “s/he is only saying that cause s/he is your friend” type deals…because hey..it’s a book.
I think you came to realize the same thing I did this weekend. Me and my gf had been fighting more often than before, and I think that was because of this “ideal” girflfriend I had in mind. I probably thought I was a better bf than I actually was, and didn’t even consider that I might not be that great afterall. So yea, maybe I didn’t consult any self-help books, but spending a weekend (she was on a trip) away from her helped me realzie how much I missed her and how my mentality towards a relationship must change. So yeah, I think we’re both on the right track!
Heyy Nelle!
It’s Amy…all the way back from gr. 9 =]. Anywhooo, hope you remember me, and I’m gonna subscribe. =p Bii.
good seeing you again.. too bad we didnt really get to hang out.. next time when u come to visit we shall cheeel~ no need to fight we will just grab sushi together with out dave =P
can you please tell dave to open the door he always has it closed all day long like someone who lives in a cave~it is frustrating