April 22, 2006
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Middle Grounds.
As we grow older, there are many things/priorities/factors that take over our lives, more things to worry about, more things to live for. What I noticed about friendships is that as one gets older, it’s harder and harder to find a middle ground and a peaceful compromise for both sides.
When we were younger, say about in Gr.5-10, so many things were spoon fed to us by our parents that all we lived for was really school, family and friends (family is optional for many, as there are many broken ones out there). Hanging out with friends would not be in question, it would be a mutual agreement that lunchtimes and afterschool are for ‘chillen’. If it wasn’t for hanging out with friends, what else would we do? It was so easy to find a middle ground, so easy to find time to nurture the friendship.
Nowadays, I find it so difficult to find middle grounds with my friends. I think it’s because we have different schedules, attend different schools and most of all, our different beliefs. As we get older, our personalities and beliefs starts to settle, and not as easily persuaded by our friends like when we were younger.
I think that is why friends come and go so fast because it’s kind of like investing in a friendship, and at the end if there is no middle ground, then both sides would understand that time-off or breaking off the friendship would be best because it is a waste of time and effort to contribute to this non-productive friendship.
I don’t think it’s considered as not standing by your friend or anything, nor do I think it’s expecting an reward for every action that you take. But if a friend never has time for you, I don’ t think you would rely on that friend of yours very much anyway, and it’s a waste of your time especially. So if both sides are not benefitting from each other, what’s the point of the friendship? Wouldn’t it just be considered as an “aquaintance/co-worker” relationship?
Is it easy for you to find that middle ground with your friends? (I often find it harder to find that compromise with friends that are closest to me because there seems to be an already existing comfort zone between us two that if anything comes in between our zone, the friendship would deteriorate.)
Does middle grounds come with age? (Sort of like, I’m 25… you’re 25. I know you’re looking into settling down because the biological clock is ticking, therefore, I don’t mind if you spend your time with your gf/bf 24/5, wherease if I’m 16 and you’re 16, ‘you’re my bestfriend, you should hang out with me! stop hanging out with your boy/girl toy!)
Comments (1)
The problem is just that, that middle ground has already been established between close frends. Over the years those become the boundaries of the friendship; but we don’t take into account that people change, rather people grow, and a friendship has to grow along with it. Alot don’t like change, eventhought it is envitable, and it’s this resistance to change that causes conflict. People have to want to be friends more than they want things to stay the same.
In our 20′s people grow soooo fast and I guess you can say it’s these growing pains that make compromise between friends to difficult. Later in life, we don’t stop growing, but we learn how compenstate for it better.
Yeah the ol bf/gf conundrum. They get so caught up in their new relationships they forget about friends. Being a good friend is a skill we learn but people aren’t perfect and they’ll neglect others often. I just hope they’d try not to and learn not to.