July 5, 2004
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Can’t sleep. Just had a conversation with Irene on the phone. It was a lovely one. We talked about everything and anything, but of course, it’s always about those bums in our lives; guys.
Why can’t they just leave us alone?! Just because they can’t live without us, doesn’t mean we can’t live without them!
Haha, I am being so bitter. But maybe because I have a reason to. Had strings of bad luck with guys, and don’t know when it will end. Moreoever, don’t know when I can start trusting. Like my British friend Lara who sat beside me in philosophy class one day and caressed my hair to try to sooth my harsh tears that just couldn’t take reality for what it’s worth, said: “Oh poor Ellen, always choosing the wrong ones.” She is my soul witness. She have seen what guys have done to me. Maybe I should just guard my heart like Irene said.
Consistency – something I would like to see in a guy. Through rejects and trials, and if the guy is still standing around, it really does show alot to us girls that they are genuinely sincere in what they have been saying, and it also depicts their maturity.
Stability (able to trust) – Gawd I love that feeling. I think I felt it for maybe. hmm.. 5 minutes today? It was absolutely heaven-like. And then negative things started to shoot at me in my head and quickly I fell right back down and lost trust in everything. But to be honest, it’s great to know that you’re away from the one you like (love?) and you can still feel the bond and the trust between each other, that your other half is not cheating or doing bad deeds behind your back, but instead.. thinking of you.
Comments (2)
I very much agree: Stability is fucking important. And some guys just suck at it.
You know, now that I think of it–I think in order to have stability in a relationship, it isn’t always about the guy that gives you that feeling, it’s more of you being able to be secure in your own shoes. Like if you have naturally low self esteem or low self confidence, then it’d be harder for you to trust people (and i’m talking about myself here) and so it’d be harder to have stability in your relationship because your mind is always cooking up this negative and irrational crap once in a while.
Do you get what I mean or am I just totally on the wrong track here?
But yes, we do have lovely conversations, you and I. : )