October 8, 2004
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Here comes the long weekend. Oh it just feel so darn good to sit down on a Friday afternoon and just… breathe. Didn’t think I would’ve gotten by this week without fainting, honestly. That day where I only got 1 hour of sleep and work again that very night, wow. I’ve never drank so much coffee in my life. It honestly feels so good to sit down again and write. Autonomy, pure autonomy.
Well, of course I probably have alot to say, considering my brain works 20 hour per day, so really, I think much more now. A little too much about me, you, him, everything. But one thing I’ve realized is that I’m a stability junky. Really. I love feeling stablized. Change is good only if I know I can deal with it. I love knowing that I will ace a test. I love knowing the definites of life. I love planning my life and knowing what the hell I want to do. I love having goals. And of course, I love knowing that I am being loved back.
Sometimes, that lacks. And maybe it’s just my head spinning…but it gets to me.
And then I eat.
Or I don’t eat at all.
Welcome to the world of a 17 year old.
It made me joyfully sad today watching my brother run carelessly like a child that he is, into the misty fog smothering the school soccer field. It made me think about all the things that i’ve lost, and most importantly everything that i’ve now become…
Turkey time with Irene. But I got work this whole long weekend. Darn Mickey Dee’s. I don’t care. I’ll fit turkey time in there some how. I don’t care if it’ll kill me to eat turkey with Renie, it’s something I gotta do. It’s thanksgiving! And you know what, she’s definitely something to be thankful for.
Tackle Hug. I know I haven’t been there these past few days, or even weeks to talk to you, to understand you, to embrace you as a person that I appreciate and adore. And I can hear it and feel it in your voice. A sorry won’t do it, because nothing’s going to be changed. It’s just how things are right now. But I just want to say, in light of thanksgiving and the counting of the multitudes of blessings in my life, you are needed, wanted, and loved. You as a blessing is indefinable.
Comments (2)
i’m like the exact opposite eh.. everything about me is flexible.. i don’t like waking up knowing i have a full day of stuff ahead of me.. that’s why i keep my schedule so flexible i guess. its nice to just go along in life and see where it takes u.. for me anyway.
Hey Ha Gau,
Before I continue, I just wanted to say that you’re something to be thankful for too! Hmm..I have no idea how I’m gonna fit in some “turkey time” with ya though..
Anyways, I really meant to call you as soon as I got home, but I’m sorry I didn’t get around to it. I hope you weren’t too disappointed–unless you didn’t remember I was back haha.
You know, I think a few days ago, I started thinking how church would be like in your shoes, if your other half of the oddball wasn’t there every sunday….it made me sad, and then I realized how you felt…or how numb to feeling you were about it.
Ok I feel random. But hey, it’s 2:18am. It’s late.
Anyways, I just wanted to say hi, and that I’m back I guess, nothing much.
I’ll be seeing ya tomorrow. You better be there, seriously.