June 18, 2008
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Lost Time.
Two stories depicting my greatest fears of all time.
S
S is madly in love with him. Found an email in his inbox one day. A love letter, a proclamation of his love for her. But not for her. But another girl that he was previously in love with… and still is. Despite the evidence of a swayed heart, he still wants to stay committed to S. He continually tells S of their “future” plans together. S comes to school in tears. I embrace her. Tried to male-bash to make light of the situation. But solemnity is still in her eyes as she kept admiring the floor. At that moment, I knew nothing I say was going to change her perspective, or make her unlove him. So I did the best I could to sit beside her to comfort her with a silence presence. After all, I was only an acquaintance to her.
But this story scared me. It scared me because somebody could be telling you one thing and at most make it sound so utterly believable — yet feels differently about the whole situation. Yes, it’s called lying. He lied, because he knew himself that his whole heart wasn’t in the words he was saying. But if S truly believed in what he was saying; it was S’s reality that he was creating. The worst part is, had S never ended up finding his love letter, S would’ve readily invest her whole life (time) in creating this “reality” that bears no fruit at the end.
It isn’t the lost love that scared me, but more so, the lost time.
B
B found herself in a 10 year relationship with a man that she truly love. They were highschool sweethearts, and college sweethearts, and hey — still remained sweethearts after those childhood/teen/young adult years. B thought it was time. 10 years. It was now or never. So on one of their cruise trips together, B proposed the idea of marriage to her love. He thought about it for a second, and finally gave her an answer that she wasn’t waiting for: “I don’t think I’m the type to commit”. And that was that. As they return home from their trips, they went their separate ways, but still kept in contact. B calls him up one day to catch up with his life. B finds out that he got married after one year of their break-up and is expecting a baby soon. B shattered. Her present and her past shattered. It was 10 years of her life that she couldn’t get back. She is now 30 something. Still sailing single.
It isn’t the lost love that scared me, but more so, the lost time.
What is your greatest fear(s)?
Comments (23)
geez, after a 10 year commitment to her he says he’s not the type to commit!?
damn.. B’s story sucks.
i think S and B experienced this because unlike you, who’s greatest fear is the lost time, their greatest fear (like many, many others) is the fear of ending up alone. and so, they settle.
that’s why people have to learn to cut their fucking loses early. If two people aren’t sailing in the same direction, it’s time to jump ship.
Great entry, Nelle. It made me think long and hard about what my greatest fear is. Besides frogs, I would have to say that it’s me getting so attached to someone that I become clingy, unattractive, ugly, and end up as one of those girls who rely on the presence of a guy to feel complete. Oh, and settling.
Btw, “unlove”. I like that word.
I don’t think I would be able to stay with someone for 10 years. I’ll break up with someone after a year or less if I feel like the relationship is going nowhere.
And those two stories are frightening!
Even not being in a relationship, I feel as if I’ve lost time. I think no matter which side of the fence you’re sitting on you feel like you’re missing out. Either we find that person for whom we stop caring about what else is out there, or we mature to the point where it doesn’t matter anymore.
You can’t ever predict what’s going to happen in a relationship, but if you see the signs coming, then I’m with yosho on this one. All the same, the old cliche is true. Experiences make you who you are. And if there were some good ones mixed in with the bad, was it truly a loss?
My greatest fear? I don’t want to be too old to enjoy young love.
i hope that’s not the case for you.
already happened for me. nothing i really fear at this point.
there’s worse things… like being 300 pounds and nobody will EVER love you.
Hi I’m seni-random~
I can honestly say the second story is my greatest fear. When I read that, I got a chill and felt a lump in my throat – seriously. One of my other greatest fears is being alone. Not as in physically being by myself – but I suppose being abandoned.
I know the first one is true because you inserted yourself in there too, but is the second one a true story?
All our failures can be seen as a waste of time if we choose to learn nothing from it. I’m sure both these girls became a stronger from their experiences. If they didn’t, they really should have.
@Korepsych - Wow, now THAT put things into perspective.
@Fool0nThePlanet - Yes, it actually is. It happened to my highschool teacher’s close friend. I never forgot this story, because like you said, it gave me chills too.
My biggest fear is regret.
@luvs_u -
+1
i think it`s a matter of perspective.
it’s not really lost time if the time spent was time enjoyable. it’s only lost or wasted time if the objective was to get married or if one’s happiness is defined by their bond to someone else.
i wasted a year of my life on a deadbeat. it was wasted because i was never happy but clung to the belief that things would work out in the end. i learned that there was no point believing or investing because i wasn’t even happy while we were together. if our “relationship” had survived, i would’ve ended up with a marriage of misery.
your two friends can walk away with more than me. the time spent in those relationships were good times. they will one day be able to recall happy memories from these relationships. i don’t have that luxury.
but even though i have a different opinion, i think this is a great post!!
damn… 10 years and then a year after they break up he gets married?! ugh…
30 is the new 20 anyway
I don’t even want to mention my greatest fear, afraid I’ll jinx it.
And B’s ex was such a f-ing asshole. I don’t understand people who would do that. For sure he’d know B would be so crushed. But then again, maybe there’s a whole another story behind it.
That was my greatest fear until I had to face it myself. I’d rather have went through that experience than not at all because I think I would be a lot more naive now.
My greatest fear now is having a career with no creative outlet. I’d probably die if I couldn’t do what I love for the rest of my life.
And spiders.
I would embrace both if it were to happen to me. I believe all things are on it’s own course, I would cry and sit on the phone with you and Slutburger then you guys would take me to Swiss Chalet and I would cry again because the food doesn’t look as good as the internet pictures.
Utter disappointment. I would get it out of my system and move on. Slutburger would say, “I told you so and man up nigga.” You would say, “It’s okay to cry and be emotional.”
In both situations, the agents are in love and no logic or strategy can be implemented to prevent such loss. Strategy and games could have been played in the beginning but then the agents would never be in those positions. Learning experiences and lessons should have been learned if not, the cycle will repeat itself.
the woman in the 10 year relationship should’ve had an inkling in all those years that her man wasn’t ready to commit.. but i’m sure the story is more complex than that. maybe he made false promises of marriage being in their future together.
i have to meditate on your question for awhile. i definitely fear rejection.
being so old that i can’t take care of myself. i just wrote about this not too long ago.
i fear that the new mrs. howie will leave me. =O haha
i fear a life without fiber. ouch.
biggest fears are irretrievable things; emotions. Though you could say they bring experience and memories, whether good or bad..