Choices

Everyday we wake up and we make choices that define who we are. From the clothes that we put on ourselves, the food that we eat, to the lies that we tell others and the conversations we have with the people around us. Everything involves a choice. If you’re a fully functional and awake human being, you are making conscious choices.

I understand, that our respective histories and experiences, and oh yes, personalities come into play. But don’t give me that excuse of, “I’m born that way” or “I’m raised that way” or “I’m new to this” to hinder your options. It’s our inner most drives and desires that ultimately turn our thoughts into actions. The furthest I can agree with the nurture argument is that there is a PREFERENCE of choices based on our experiences that we’ve encountered, but even then, the alternative choices are still there. Whether you want to take the choice that you’ve always been taking, or the one that is less traveled upon, is fully up to you.

So when people say, “oh, she/he is just like that“. Don’t believe them for a second. They are not like that. People are not static, minds and personalities are malleable. In fact, that person just made a conscious decision as to how to portray or delineate themselves to the public. We always attach somebody with a permanent label (ie. asshole), but when truly, he only has asshole TENDENCIES. He really…. isn’t an asshole afterall. (shifty eyes).

And maybe that’s why I get trampled on over and over again in relationships. Because I always have too much faith in somebody, and always will. But I won’t be so easily jaded. I think it’s good to have faith in people, you never know who needs it the most.

But that is also why when mistakes are not corrected the next time, when they are clearly brought up as an issue the first time around, I know that that person had a CONSCIOUS CHOICE to make the right decision, but yet decided not to. They just relied on their most traveled, most favoured, most comforted choices made from before. Nothing makes me more upset than that.

Anyway, I wake up every morning and I have a list of things that I choose to be/do/become. I just wonder, what would happen if I choose to throw that list of things that I call “myself” away just for a weekend? Just go crazy and do what I usually wouldn’t be doing otherwise? Like party to no ends, flirt with countless guys and break their hearts, sleep with them too and make them utter those three deadly words only to tell them that I’m not the committed type, running around with skanky clothes, etc etc.

I don’t know. I always have the Plain-Jane-oh-so-boring tendency. What if I just throw all that away?

Would you ever throw “yourself” away just for a weekend? Is it even possible to come back to your “old self” afterwards?

Idolize. 

If I have to choose to be a certain type of woman, I would choose to be Alicia Keys. Her music pretty much sums up the woman that I hope I am, or if not, hope to become.

I swear, no biased intent in the choice of pictures.

She’s more real to be than Beyonce. Beyonce has more pride. You can just tell by her lyrics.

Whereas Alicia, she’s more down. She’s humble, she admits her weakness of her love to her man, but she also doesn’t take crap from her man cause she know she’s an exceptional woman that expects nothing but the best. But she knows, no material things in this world would ever buy her love, but at the same time, she knows she worth all of it.

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Letter to my future Prince Charming:

My rule is simple. If you don’t already breathe in this song, don’t already have this song on your ipod playing, don’t already have all the lyrics to this song memorized and actually, genuinely BELIEVE in the words and have them acted out… then I’m sorry. No deal. Heart is closed.

That’s all. And in return. I will give you 200% of me.

“And a real woman knows a real man ain’t afraid to please her.
And a real woman knows a real man always come first.”
 

What do you know about a woman’s worth?
Yosho, don’t answer this question. I, don’t, want, to, know.

Literary Home

Okay, so by now y’all should probably not take me seriously when I say I’m on a hiatus and/or I’m leaving. Cause if you haven’t already noticed, this account has been operating since 2002. I, ain’t, going, nowhere.

Meh, it’s not like you guys care anyways. But I did check whether John cleaned me out of his subs since we all know by his pulse that he was doing his winter cleaning of subs… results? I’m still in the boat! WHOO HOO. Even though I betray Xanga for Youtube all the freaking time now.

So yeah, andy01 or however the hell you type your name (is it an ‘l’ or a ’1′? I don’t know, too lazy to check), no need to freak out. I’m here, darling. Even though you never really commented on my posts, BUT I guess… apparently… you show your support at the very last minute of my threatening I-am-leaving-xanga post. Oh, how I am forever grateful.

I’m even too lazy to link your names. The sloth in me. Ugh.

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I Know He’s Out There.

The reason why I’m writing this post is because I have an extremely, possibly excruciatingly painful full-of-nothing-but-sweetness idea to share with everyone that believes in their princess or prince charming yet-to-happen romance. Yep, I said it, princesses and prince charmings.

I thought it would be too retarded of me to make one flaky video based on this, but flaky enough for a post. : D

So here we go:

So this happened to a friend of a friend of mine. The girl is at work and apparently mother nature decides to plague the place with a snow storm. Girl is engaged. The fiance drives an hour from his house to the girl’s work, takes her car keys, turns the car on to warm it up, brushes/scrapes the snow off the car for her and drives the car up to the mall door to make sure that she gets in the car safe and that she gets home safe as well. And he drove to her work just for that. Just to make sure her car started fine and that she can get home safe.

Like, what the hell? Where can I get/buy myself one of these? Is there some kind of secret society that I don’t know about that breeds these wonderful and selfless creatures?

To be honest, I consider myself a sweet person, but I don’t know if that would’ve ever crossed my mind.

But hey, I guess Prince Charmings do exist. I just have to look harder.

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Don’t Buy Me Happiness.

Money does not buy me happiness. I know that for a fact. I’ve been very unhappy for the past few weeks because of….stuff, and because of the lack of a monstrous schedule due to my school on strike, which ultimately leads to me having plenty of time of doing absolutely nothing (i.e staring at a dot on the wall, etc), I really then have no excuse to not go shopping.

So, I tried to fill my life with toys.

So much of it to the point that my best friend Jay now has both my credit cards so that I wouldn’t spend anymore. The worst part of it all is that I knew the reason why I was spending money like it was water; I even told Jay in the car.

“You know why I’m spending so much, Jay?”
“Why?”
“Cause I’m unhappy.”

And then I just sat at home with my PS3 and my new HDTV feeling empty while it hummed and glowed it’s electric tune.

I think what makes me happy most about money is when I feel like know I have a control over it, and not the other way around. Nothing makes me happier than me getting paid and putting cash in my bear bank. (It’s the only way I can save). Even if it’s $20 here, and then another $5 in there, and throwing in some change when I feel like it. Just seeing my discipline and persistence in the principle of saving money and making it grow makes me giddy happy.

Money does bring happiness, just depends on how you use it.

 

 

 

Nothing Left.

 

[ x ] Wipe out existence on Facebook
[ x ] Wipe out existence on Xanga

Good-Bye!

 

 

 

Not Having Sex Can Win You $10,000 and More.

Link: http://weblog.revelife.com/revelife/679735776/not-having-sex-can-win-you-10000-and-more.html?ref=FPP

Oh SOMEBODY finally understands me!!!
…and is giving cash for my ingenious ideas!!

The things I’ll do for money.

Question: contest extends to Canadians? Cause I’m doooown.

A Lesson On Change.

I never thought that I would be able to do it without him, that was, before I walked away from the picture with him in it. He was the first to teach me, and the only one that cared to listen to my dreams. And soon, it became our dream. To be honest, everything I did first was to impress him. All the books I read, all the knowledge that I coughed out at his demand — all to let him know I was interested in him. His wishes were my command, he told me to do this, research that, everything I did. To show him loyalty and commitment to that dream of ours. Thought I did it for him, thought I couldn’t do it without him.

You want to know what change is all about? Then take away the initial cause, and if the person is still doing the things that they were doing after the cause is out of the equation, then they’re for real.

Then came the break-apart. Break apart from us, from emotions, from our dreams, everything that had to do with him and I.

But it wasn’t like that.

- I found myself waking up and flipping through the business section of the Globe and Mail. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, I would seek out the Commercial Real Estate section and I would cut it out hoping to somehow hand it to him. Many thoughts of just dropping it off in his mailbox ran through my mind… but I knew I had to stay strong. So I didn’t.

- I found myself looking through loopnet, seeing whether any new properties were listed. Well, it’s loopnet, unfortunately not.

- I found myself reading commercial real estate news around the world on my Blackberry, and that’s pretty much all I did with my Blackberry. Wanted to call him so bad to ask him what he thought about the financial crisis.

- I found myself talking to people about real estate. How it’s still something I want to do and will do.

- I found myself strategizing ways in achieving my goals without him. Because obviously he was a strong player in this team of him and I, but I was finally alone on this path and I had to find my own way out. And so I would sit there on my morning bus rides to school fantasizing the day when I would look up at a building I call my own….

That fantasy sort of looks like this…. me in high-heels and a pencil skirt, with no, not a pink construction hat, but yes, a traditional yellow one.

I changed for me.

_________________________

Circle of Influence.
I can probably tell you what type of person you are
 by knowing who your friends are.

_________________________

Do you remember?
Do you want to remember?
You’re just a boy, you don’t understand…