Xanga, I want my life back.

Epiphanies.

…If I am able to wake up one morning, and just have a moment of clarity that the person that I was with all these years is not the one for me…

… wouldn’t it also be true that I am able to wake up one morning, and have the same moment of clarity that the person that I am with, for how ever long, is the one I want to be with forever?

So I knew I didn’t want to be with him. [ x ]
So I should also know that I want to be with Him. [   ]

They say that when the time comes, you just know. I think I’m starting to understand that phrase.

Pre-nups.

I used to be against pre-nups. I always thought that no matter what, even if the woman were to be the breadwinner in the house, the man still had the onus to protect and provide indefinitely. Well, I still have that idea floating around in my mind, but it isn’t as concrete of a thought as it used to be.

I was also entrenched into the fairy tale wedding thoughts, whereby my partner and I would be in consummate love, that money should never ever be an issue or talked about in a possessive way. Everything of mine will be his and vice versa, and everything under the roof will be shared, even IF we were to divorce. Til death do us apart, no?

But that has changed as well. I’ve changed.

I, now, support pre-nuptial agreements. Really, if you think about it, the epitome of divorce is to dissolve a marriage that just couldn’t work. And at this point, you just want to get the hell out so you can stop wasting your time aka life, and just move-on. A pre-nup will take care of the financials for you by alloting the funds to their rightful owner. It’s really one less problem to think about when and if the time comes down to the unfortunate break-up.

And if you think about it some more, isn’t this what they do in business when they try to dissolve a partnership and liquidate everything? Ask any businesswoman and man, and they will tell you that a partnership isn’t a partnership if from day one, the percentages/ratios weren’t already assigned. Whether it be 50/50, 60/40, what have you. It’s the ultimate contingency plan.

I know what you’re gonna say, you’re gonna say this: “Nelle, if you were so sure to be in consummate love with this person and have gone so far as marriage, why do you need a pre-nup? It’s like BANKING on the fact that the love will fail somewhere along the future line….”

What’s your point? I’m being realistic here. And I’m not banking on the fact that my marriage will fail on me. All I’m saying is, I don’t know everything for certain, and to really cut it short… bottom line is, I don’t need a man to take care of me… especially in financial terms. AND especially if he happens to be my ex-husband-to-be.

I have never taken any denomination of dollar bills from any man. Even from a boyfriend. You’re better off giving me presents or food than cash. I just won’t accept cash from a man.

If it so happens that I do end up in a divorce and I’ve signed a prenup, there can only be two endings to this:

1) I was the breadwinner, so I get my share of what I rightfully own, and he gets his peanuts. I guess I turned out to be the winner here. Didn’t really lose much financially. Yay for prenups. Oh, and I get the kids.

—OR—

2) I wasn’t the breadwinner, and the worst part is, I was unemployed to become the best housewife ever only to find my partner cheated on me. So I got the peanuts and the kids.

Number two seems scary, no? Well, like I said. I don’t ever need to depend on a man to carry me through financial hardships. Put me in number one scenario, okay cool. Put me in number two scenario, well — only means that I’ll work even harder. Put me in the projects, run-down everything, take allllll the frikken money, I don’t care. One thing the ex-husband-to-be wouldn’t be able to take away from me is my dignity and the strength to strive forward and to live the life that I want to live. It could only go up from there. I love challenges, so throw me in the lion’s den, and I’ll come out alive.

I know my abilities in life, and I refuse to depend on a man – financially.

So, why are there so many people against pre-nups? Just look at Britney. Shouldn’t that be a valuable lesson to all?

“Take the money, it’s just money.”

Happy July 4th.

Shame on me, I didn’t even write a post for Canada’s Day (July 1st), yet I gave recognition to an American holiday. Well, here are some fireballs that I awesomely threw on Canada’s day. We’ll just think of it as a celebration for Independence Day as well, shall we?

Slutburger_with_cheese: “We gotta predict where you’re going, what the hell are you doing? AHH!!”

Slutburger_with_cheese: “This is what it would’ve been like to be a Dragon Ball Z character!”

Focus.

I find myself smirking at the computer screen when I read the post. The words didn’t move me like how you would envision it to. None of it interfered with what really mattered to me at the end of the day.

1) My dream and goal to succeed in real estate is still intact
2) My dream and goal to succeed and complete what I started in university is still intact
3) My personal targets and goal at work are pacing and still intact
4) My friendships with people that truly know me for who I am, are still intact
5) My relationship with Justin is wonderful, and still… intact

So really, what did I have to sweat about? Nothing. My life is still intact and progressing.

Try taking away my dreams, then we’ll talk. But for now, I’m a pacifist. I focus on what really matters in my life. I focus on what I love and want in life. Xanga rep? Don’t make me laugh.

To illustrate….

___________________

Boss: Congratulations Ellen! You beat your quarter goal today!
Me: Thanks. But no, I may have hit my goal, but not my personal goal…
Boss: (confused)  what other goal? Double your target?
Me: No. My goal is to be number one.

…and I’m getting there. Slowly, but I don’t give up. It’s only an upward climb from here.

__________________

Oh for Pete’s sake, I feel like an article in the fucking tabloid. It’s like, I woke up and found a million footprints, only to also find that I couldn’t read a post that was about me, and then next thing you know, Yosho and his xanga ways has gotten his hands on it and have successfully brought it to the xanga masses, and attempts to bring me down in a xanga chat with its supposed “facts”.

… well, you know what they say. Any publicity — is good publicity.

A Lesson on Relationships via Real Estate
(I know, it’s long. But trust me, it’s good. READ IT!)

Rule 9: Be Willing to Walk Away From the Table
“This is one of the most powerful cards you have in your hand as you play the negotiating game. It gives you the ultimate power. You must be willing to walk away from a deal if things are heading to a conclusion that does not fit your goals. Just because the negotiations have gone on for a while doesn’t mean you have to continue them.”

First of all, let me just clarify that it’s not about playing games in relationships, but more of compromising… or negotiating each other’s wants. But simply put, if the relationship is boiling down to something you don’t envision yourself in or want, then you must be able to walk away from the table. 2,5,8 years into the relationship? Doesn’t matter — at the end, it’s not what you want. So just walk away.

“I’ll reiterate: real estate is like a good transit system. If this property goes by, another one will come your way soon. So there is no need to buy in a panic; knowing that puts you in a position of power.”

Knowing that you’re worthy of a good man or a good woman gives YOU the ultimate power. Know your self-worth and you’ll do alright.

“When you do walk away, however, leave the relationship on a high. Use a “more in sorrow than in anger” approach. In other words, leave the door open for the negotiation to continue if the other party chooses. you might say something like, “I’m sorry, but that’s far more than I want to pay. I really would like to do business with you, but I can’t under these terms. If you can come up with another way we can do this deal, I’d be glad to listen. Call me.”

Leave with class. Or try to. I know, I know. Break-ups and fights can get messy, real messy. Usually, if you think before you speak, you will say everything you wanted to say, and keep inside what is probably unnecessary and harmful to your position. (I gotta admit, this is something I need to work on. When I’m provoked, I run my tongue on everything).

I like how he mentioned to leave the line of negotiation and communication open, in case the other person chooses to renegotiate. It’s not about anger or much of emotions at this point: it’s about not settling for a crap term (relationship) that you don’t want to sign up for.

This proves that you’re serious and shows the other party that you wont’ be manipulated into making a bad decision. Once you’ve made the other party aware that it doesn’t matter if you buy it, you have transferred more power in your hands. This approach will also stop the vendor from trying other tactics. As an aside, the first time you do walk away, you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how good it feels. Walking away from what could have been a bad deal is very self-empowering. Learn to do this and you’ll never get caught in a bad deal.

…and this is the part where people settle: when they get manipulated into making a bad decision because they want to be nice or “understanding”. No. You are not “understanding” if you are left with no choice. E.g “Accept it, that’s just how I am”. If there is something about the person that bothers you and to be honest, if you could accept it in the first place, you would’ve done so already! So the fact that it has become an issue, and the person is not compromising, then you have found yourself cornered into a bad decision.

Remember how that saying goes? If you can’t be content with yourself, then you won’t be able to make another person happy. It’s honestly all about being able to live with thyself and not depend solely on another person. Let them know, it’s good to have them in your life. But you can live with or without them. But I gotta admit, if you like your S.O, life is a bit more meaningful than going to sleep alone at night.

____________________

As a side note, before you all think I’m some conniving bitch that runs through her negotiation skills (or lack thereof, I have yet to learn) in her relationships, I do not. If you haven’t already read Sun Tzu (actually I haven’t) or other negotiating books, you would know that you should never let your opponent know what your method of negotiation is. So the fact that I’m baring out my point of view on this, and knowing my S.O is right around the corner of xanga, only means that it’s something I don’t “use” to get me through my relationships.

I just found this passage to be very profound in terms of relating it to ‘relationships and settling’ as we all have problems with sticking with the ones we are initially infatuated with, but aren’t really right for us at the end. 

Remember: You must be willing to walk away from a relationship if things are heading to a conclusion that does not fit your goals. Because you are not in a relationship to change a person. They are who they are, and if you don’t like those terms, then you don’t have to sign. Extract the emotions from that point, and walk away. Regardless whether you love them as a person or not, no one is questioning that, but for a relationship to work, it takes REAL compromises and negotiations and REnegotiations – and not just “understanding”. Two to tango.

A Good Girlfriend.

I told myself I wouldn’t do this kind of shit anymore. (shifty eyes)… any… more. I’m trying okay? Give me a freakin break.

…. and if I do, it’s because I care. GAWD.

Go Jenkem!

Okay, so here’s a video of Kevjumba. I know, I was sort of bashing Kev in Shake_things_up last post on Kevjumba, but damn — Kev is starting to grow on me.

It’s a cute video.

Uhh… yeah so what do you think of Jenkem. Fictional?
Anybody want to try it out and tell me how it goes? 

*Edit: Kevjumba sort of resembles Sungball. No?

Luck.

If you bank with TD, you would know that filling out comment card entitles you to enter into the monthly draw for a nice gift basket. Regular customers know that, and they fill out many. But lately, it’s getting harder and harder to ask the clients to fill in the cards because they seem to just give me this bs excuse of: “I’m never lucky” or “I never win anything”, and so they refuse to fill in the comment card.

I’m standing there behind the counter thinking, well… if you’re not even going to try, of course you’re not going to win. What a paradox. Luck probably doesn’t even work into this equation as much as the laws of probability and permutations does.

The point is, I get all these negative thinking clients, until I came across this one client the other day. He’s a senior old man.

me: “Hi, would you like to take a 30 second survey? Based on our service today, would you be extremely likely to recommend us to your friends and family?, and oh yeah — you are also entered into a draw!”

*at this point, I’m sort of waiting for him to say the bs excuse.

client: “Oh yeah! Oh well that’s great! Because I’m lucky!!”
me: (stares) ……  really? And what makes you think that?
client: “I’m married to a wonderful woman. I am so lucky to have her” (smiles timidly)

uhh yeah, at this point, I’m like hiding underneath the counter, wiping a tear away or something.

That warmed my heart.

You think finding a soul mate is based on luck?

“I would like to meet _________!”

Would you attend a xanga party if your schedule permits this summer?
How far would you travel?
When I say “Xanga Party”, what kind of party comes to your mind?

*Rec this entry so other people can link and input their answers as well.
** Edit: People, I said, REC THIS biiittch!