Sunny Days

I decided to move my indoor office to the outdoors so that I can soak up the sun and tan. I am currently in my short-shorts, t-shirt, and sporting a cowboy hat to prevent any other freckles that decides to appear itself on my face without my consent.

It’s hot today in Toronto.

I lurrrrvvv it.

But I think my computer is over-heating as we speak. Delly is sweating.

Okayyy, must get back to work!

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Edit: Well, after half an hour of baking under the sun, Delly included, I’ve migrated back into the house where it is alot cooler. I swear Delly’s screen was going to melt.

I think I caught a cold with a slight fever when I woke up this morning, but now that I roasted in the sun, it has turned into a full-blown fever. My forehead and ears are burning. Uhhh, I’m feeling dizzy.

The only thing that will make me happy in this whole wide world right now is my VITA lemon tea and sushi. Nothing else will make me happy, nothing. Okay, maybe money, because I’ll need the cash to buy my tea and sushi.

Please send to:

Secret_Agent_Nelle
4 Burwell Crescent
Markham, Ontario
L3P 6T6

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I miss Resolc. Don’t you?

Alcohol-talk.

Let it be known that I will never drink wine again. Instead of the alcohol acting as a depressant, it has somehow reversed its real purpose and has created some manic state in me right now. I am led to believe that there is some superb caffeine mixture in that wine that I consumed tonight. Hence, I am still up at 5:30 am typing this random entry! And I, secret_agent_nelle, is never ever awake at this ungodly hour.

Oh kick me in the head, I have work today.

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You know what would make stalking a heck lot easier? Instead of xanga putting those orange thingy-ma-bobs online alerts beside the profile name within the entry titles of the subscriptions page, Xanga should just make it so that the alerts appear on the left side bar beside all the sub profile names, so I can just see it in one glance who is actually online. Bam. No more looking through my subs to see if ______ is online. This is stalking, made easy.

I would totally illustrate my point with a picture, but…

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I’m hungry. It’s 5:34 am.

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My mom is leaving to NY in 30 minutes or so. It’s a 13 hour ride. and 13 hours back. She’s coming back on Sunday night. It’s Saturday morning as we speak. Did it occur to anybody that, that is probably the most useless trip ever? She’s gonna spend majority of her time on the bus. That’s okay, at least — she’s gone for majority of mother’s day. Fantastic.

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Xanga DrrAaaaAAAaAaaAma. Ya’ll know what I’m talking about. And I ain’t taking part in it. Nuh-uh.

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Did ANYBODY see this coming? Not me.

How in the world did KEVJUMBA get Jessica Alba’s attention?

Please refer to Shake_things_up latest post. Watch the videos, and you’ll be boggled at how this kid managed to capture attention of celebrities. I mean, I used to watch him, but even then, I didn’t think he was THAT funny. Hence, “used to”.

Kuababes, I think you’re in the wrong blogging community or using the wrong medium to get to your life long dream of having sex with Jessica Alba.

Alba seems to like video blogging alot better. Not crass writing.

A highschool kid is beating you to your life long dream. For shame.

Basic Principles: There Are None.

In light of Nikki__tran’s recent featured entry, I must say that I respect and do agree with majority of the guidelines given. Now, the reason why I say guidelines is that the word “rule” seem too rigid in a fluid concept such as “dating and relationships”. I suppose we can all agree that not one relationship possess the same dynamics of another, because quite simply, every relationship is composed of two different people each and every single time, bringing in different factors, personalities, histories, and etc.

So, why do we like to use the word “rule” so much? I guess because once these rules per se, are given out and made known of, we subconsciously think that we have control over our emotions and destinies if we just follow these rules. It’s an illusion of self-control over a matter of the heart and love. But little do we know, that when one is encountering such complex and notorious circumstances, we often don’t know why we do the things we do. And most often, we thought we knew ourselves and how we would react, only to find that we know so little about ourselves looking back at the aftermath of our actions.

What I’m trying to say here is, how many times have we fallen for the vile bitch, the douchebag/asshole, the lazy-no-good couch potato, the immature jerk, the over-the-top-diva-princess-that-don’t-justify-her-own-glory? We all have and we all do. That is why those guidelines exists, because they have been created through our own very experiences. Notice that there is no timeframe or age that those guidelines are specifically applicable to because we can essentially fulfill them anytime in life. But we fall for these characters because regardless of what people say, we overlook their flaws and we think otherwise. We put belief in somebody that nobody else believes in. Let me just contradict my whole entry for a second here by saying that, that is probably the first principle of love: believing in somebody when nobody else does.

We can spend our whole lives preparing ourselves emotionally and physically with those rules, but the thing about love, is that we never see it coming.

Now let me put it in application for you. Last night, I tried to pull a Nikki__tran by mentioning to my S.O that rule 24) Hanging out with the ex=bad idea in hope that he would see my side of the story. But alas, because of my insecurities in gripping onto rule #24 that I automatically think that it is a bad idea regardless whether my S.O was innocent or not; his explanation just didn’t matter to me, because a rule is a rule. Now that I’m thinking about what I was thinking, where is the rationalization and analyzation? Where does the trust and the leap of faith fit in?

There wasn’t any, because I was only following a rule. A rule written by a person that knows nothing about who I am, who my S.O is, and what we do.

So why apply rules that knows nothing about you? Because we know little to nothing about ourselves. If one knew themselves well, one wouldn’t need rules to dictate his/her relationship(s).

Basic Principles? There are none.

 Our First conflict / argument.

“Come on, then I must be doing something right in the relationship.”

Optimism.

*Oh no, no no no, the picture has no such insinuation at all! Nada.

Freedom.

I’ve been living in total freedom for the past 12 days, but what seems like the most dreadful and wasted 12 days of my life. No schedules, no stress, no deadlines, no progress, no goals, ultimately my identity was lost in the last twelve days.

Sounds familiar? Starts with a “S” and ends with “lacking”? Yeah, totally.

I didn’t know who I am, didn’t know what I was doing, didn’t know what my purpose was in this world. The worse is, knowing what I really wanted in life; I was not working towards it. Passivity is not really something I’m fond of, although sometimes I can be quite the passive onlooker depending on the content of the task.

Meanwhile, I feel like I lost 50 IQ points for not needing to attend an educational institution. It’s summer baby. And thank God – I have summer school.

I just want to wake up and go HELLO WOOORRLD!!! I AM HERE TO CONQUER YOU!!! AND ACHIEVE WHAT I’VE ALWAYS WANTED IN LIFE!!!

Kind of like what this person is doing:

Don’t you ever feel that way? You have a million things you want to do in life, but somewhere in your mind, you’re restless, and you just can’t move from the very same chair that you’ve been sitting on for the past six hours – days – or even weeks.

For myself, doing something totally outside the box helps in creating a new emotion, perspective, and a new routine to counteract the uniform life that one is living. I started taking night walks with the Ipod, and it gives me a sense of rejuvenation and peace as I return home. It’s a nice refreshed feeling.

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On a totally random note: Life is too short to eat crappy Ramen noodles. It is not a wholesome meal at all. Maybe I should stop feeding my boyfriend that.

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“Didn’t wrap the present, so close your motherfucking eyes.”

Gotta love the boyfriend.

Tru Say.

Reminded me of what machine_gun_funk wrote today.

“And this is our problem, we can’t deal with the face to face so we let technology replace the space that people are suppose to feel. Let’s face it. We are eternally afraid of what’s real. We’ve forgotten that our physical contact is more important than our number of contacts — so we settle for convenience.”

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Life of A Banker ^#1827

In the Staff Room.

L: “So there was this really cute guy and we talked and everything and oh my god, he like so gave me his number!”
Me: “Oh really, and then what happened.”
L: “And we met up and we sort of went on a date last night”
Me: “Mmm-hmm.”
L: “And yeah I checked his account and there’s no joint account with another woman! So I’m safe and good to go!”

That’s how we bankers do.
Keep us close to your hearts.
Because we know your money better than you do.

People keep talking
They could say what they like
But all I know is
Everything’s gonna be alright

… just reminded me of you. That is all.

Flashlight Innuendos.

No, you HAVE to watch this. I don’t care if you didn’t watch my emo homemade youtube videos about my love life, but THIS! you have to watch. I guarantee you’ll like the racial innuendos as well. Well, depending on which race you are, you might just get a liiiitttleee bit offended. But that’s okay, because my man is an exception to the stereotype! ; )

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Bad Parenting

To delineate my mother’s lack of recent care for the family, I have lost 4 pounds for doing nothing but eating junk food. It’s because she never has anything in the fridge and I am always in a state of starvation. I’ve eaten so many bags of chips, my body is starting to repel it, it leaves this sour taste in my mouth that I dislike. Why don’t I cook? Number one, no one will eat my cooking. Not even me. Number two, there is nothing in the fridge TO cook. Number three, I don’t have a car readily accessible in time of hunger to fetch something to eat. So yeah, I think I’m losing my boobs and my butt for this. I need to eat those junior chickens again, even if they’re just pseudo-hormones in the chicken. Apparently, the hormones they inject in chickens to make their breasts bigger is also applicable to humans. Hmmmmmmm.

Emotional Compensation.

Eating half a can of whipped cream makes life’s problems disappear.

For me, going to work hits the spot. When I’m sad, I go to work. Something about work that gives me the satisfaction of accomplishment and I’m not just referring to my immediate job, it has always been that way, even when it was with Mickey D’s — I go to work, whenever I’m sad.

One day, I was really sad about something, probably about men, but found myself mumbling under my breath, “Thank God I have work today. ” Yeah. I actually said that. Then I realized how mindless I was with my problems when I was at work, how I continued to serve customers with all my passion and still was able to up hold that smile on my face.

I guess, in a sense, it’s better than having myself sit at home and wallow. Chances are, if you leave me sitting in one setting with nothing to do but with a computer to surf the internet and a tub of ice-cream, I will conjure up images and start over-thinking the problem and the inevitable tears will follow. But you can’t cry in public or at work — you just can’t. You cry at work as a tactic to GET out of work for reason of a “funeral”, “dead pet”, “family problems”, “my s.o broke up with me” or “i’m pregnant/miscarried”, which they all work very well of getting one out of work.

Nothing feels better than exceeding your sales goal. Nothing.

And so, I balance the options.

Wallow or Make Money?

Not much competition there.
I love work. I work, so that I wouldn’t have to feel.
 It makes my problems go away. Money and emotional problems alike.

Thank God, I have work today.